‘I know you have,’ Mr Price says. ‘But it doesn’t mean I don’t still worry … you’re not even going to meetings.’
‘That’s because I don’t have time,’ Luke replies in a tight voice. ‘Nor do I need to – I’m doing fine on my own.’ This isn’t just about the drinking anymore and I decide I should intervene before things get really ugly.
‘We actually really need to get going.’ I glance at my phone to check the time. ‘The doors open in an hour and we still need to go home and change.’
Luke nods, but is still tense. His father looks upset and Trevor appears to be as uneasy as I am. He flags down the waiter for the check, then we leave the restaurant and hopefully the tension behind. But the silence of the drive proves otherwise.
‘So tomorrow’s the game then?’ Trevor asks as we’re pulling up to the hotel to drop them off, the first words anyone has uttered since we got into the car.
‘Yeah, it starts at six,’ Luke mutters, shoving the car into park. He doesn’t look at his father, staring ahead. ‘But you guys don’t need to come if you don’t want to. We can meet up afterwards or beforehand.’
‘I already told you I want to come.’ His father scoots forward in the seat, dithering before reaching forward and placing a hand on Luke’s shoulder. ‘I know it’s not even a start, but I want to attempt to make up for all the things I missed while you were growing.’
I can tell Luke’s fighting to stay mad at his dad, the big softy that he is, despite the fact that he’ll never admit it. ‘Fine. Okay. See you there then.’
‘Do you want to ride with us?’ Trevor asks me as he opens the door to get out.
I’ve never actually been to a game before – not really my thing. ‘Oh, I …’ I trail off, not wanting to say that I don’t go, even though it’s the truth.
‘We’ll pick you up at, say, seven?’ Trevor says even though I didn’t even answer his question.
Not knowing what else to do, I nod. They get out and shut the doors and Luke pulls away and onto the road. He’s quiet as we drive toward our apartment, the streetlights reflecting in his brown eyes and giving them the similar glow the stars gold. I’m assuming his silence has to do with his father and what he said at dinner, so he startles me when he asks, ‘So are you really coming to my game?’
‘Um … yeah, I guess I’m going.’ I chew on my fingernail. ‘I’ve never really been to one. Not my thing, but I guess I can pop that cherry.’
The corners of his lips twitch, probably because he’s thinking about the first time we had sex, which was my first time ever. ‘Yeah, I guess it’s about time then.’ He gives me a sidelong glance. ‘But you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.’
But I can tell he wants me to. Not sure how, but I do.
‘No, I want to go, but I’m not going to dress up in the school collars and prance around clapping my hands and yelling ‘Go, team, go!’ I make this cheerleader motions with my arms and it gets him to laugh.
‘Fine by me,’ he says, with a smile threatening at his lips. ‘Not really into that shit anyway.’
I smile back. ‘Good, otherwise I’d wonder what the hell you were doing with me.’
He continues to perk up for the rest of the drive and his worries about his father fade into the night, and into costume and concert time. After we get back to the apartment, I go get dressed in the outfit I bought earlier today. I’d actually bought it at a gothic store that Callie knew about – not sure how. A leather dress, these stockings with black stripes on them, a lace-up arm warmer for my good wrist, and boots that have these gadgets on them, making them totally look steampunk. I’m not even calling myself anything, though, just basking in the fact that I get to dress up.
I put my hair up in this curly braid style then stain my lips with dark lipstick, trace my eyes with black liner, then look in the mirror and totally admire my handy work. ‘Okay, project Celebrating Holidays. I think I’m liking Halloween.’
‘Who are you talking to?’ Luke asks as he opens the door and enters into the bedroom. He makes it about two steps in when he actually sees me and stops dead in his tracks.
‘Pretty awesome, right?’ I ask, turning away from the mirror and to him with my hands on my hips.
His lazily scrolls my body, from my boots to my chest, finally residing on my eyes. ‘You look like a dominatrix.’
I glance down at my leather outfit and knee-high boots. ‘Well, that wasn’t what I was going for, or anything really – just having fun,’ I say. ‘But I guess you can call me that for the night of you want.’
‘Can I?’ He says it absentmindedly, severely preoccupied by my legs, half concealed by the lace-up boots I’m wearing. He scratches at the back of his neck, then jerks his attention off of my legs. ‘So what am I then?’
‘Well, if I’m a Dominatrix then wouldn’t that make you my bitch?’ I give him my best sexy wink and he chokes on his laughter.
‘Yeah, I’m not sure I could give up that much control for you,’ he says, when he stops laughing. ‘Sorry.’
‘I don’t think I could be that mean to you,’ I reply then head over to his closet. ‘But I have an idea of what you could be.’ I rummage around until I find it, tucked in the back of his closet – a faded leather jacket I’ve never seen him wear before. ‘How about you wear this?’ I step out of the closet, holding up the jacket in front of me.
He seems hesitant. ‘That was actually my dad’s.’ He steps toward me with his hands stuffed in his pockets. ‘It was one of the few things he left behind when he took off.’ He touches the front of it then winces as if the fabric – or the memory – has scalded him. ‘I’m not even sure why I still have it.’
‘Oh, never mind then.’ I lower the jacket and move back toward the closet to put it away, but his finger around my arm stops me.
‘Let me try it on,’ he mumbles, then takes the jacket from my hands. Summoning a deep breath, he slips it on and the leather fabric fits his build perfectly. He glances down to look at himself as he moves up to the mirror to get a better look.
I join him, standing to his side. ‘We look like badasses,’ I state, staring at our reflections. ‘Hey, that’s what we could be.’
He smiles softly, then slides his arm around my back and pulls me closer. ‘We look good together.’
We really do. I’m not even sure how that happened. When I’d first met Luke, I thought of him as a popular, brooding jock. It was absurd, and very stereotypical and judgmental of me, and very untrue. My opinion changed about him when I got to know him and honestly I’m starting to wonder if my opinion has changed about myself as well. Luke brought out this other side of me and even though I lost it for a while, when I found out about Mira, I feel like it’s coming back again, only it’s different now.
Something’s different.
He stares at me through the mirror for a few more moments, then he turns to me and leans in, his voice husky as he whispers, ‘The things I want to do to you right now.’ His lips collide with mine, the roughness mismatching with the softness of his voice. But I meet his passion with equal eagerness, kissing him back with everything I have in me, pouring out of me. I grip onto him, pulling him closer, seeking air, yet forgetting to breath. I’m desperate for more of his touches, kissing, closeness – I’m desperate for everything. I’m under no control of my own anymore. I’m not sure anything I do when it comes to Luke anymore is in my control anymore. Because I’m falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Only this time it’s different. I still don’t know when I’m going to end up and where, but for once it feels like maybe there’s something to land on.
Chapter 20
Luke
After kissing Violet for ten minutes, we finally part when Seth bangs on the door and tells us it’s time to go. Her kisses have made me feel better, but I’m still stirring over some of the shit at dinner, when I get the call. A Goddamn call that I was kind of expecting, but it still somehow blindsided me. It’s from the attorney representing my mother, wanting to talk to me.
I had to step into the bathroom – I was so shocked – and I didn’t want Violet hearing either.
‘I’d like to meet you person, just to talk,’ the douche attorney said and I almost rammed my fist through the wall, which would have pissed the shit out of Seth since I’ve done it before and he wasn’t happy about it.
‘I don’t want anything to do with this,’ I’d snapped at him. ‘And if you knew better, you wouldn’t be asking me to do so.’
‘You mother thinks otherwise,’ he’d replied. ‘I’d really like too—’
‘My mother’s a f**king psycho who deserves to be behind bars.’ I was practically shaking, gripping onto the counter for support and to keep my hand from doing any damage.
‘Yeah, we’ll see,’ he’d said and that’s when I’d hung up on him and almost threw my phone against the wall.
Regardless of the shitty, depressing call, I’m determined to have a fun night sober. Violet and I made a promise to celebrate the shit out of the holidays and f**k if I’m not going to go through with it. The problem is, I’m all worked up and the only thing that ever calms me down when I’m like this is booze. I can’t drink¸ though. No, I won’t let myself. I avoid it at work all the time and I can sure as hell do it now.
But it’s harder tonight. Between the call about my mother and the fact that my father got me all worked up at dinner. All that talk about worrying about me and then trying to make stuff up to me – it had push me toward the edge, and now the phone call has me teetering somewhere mid-fall. And then there’s Violet and her reaction to Trevor’s question about marriage and how she made it clear that she was against it and for some crazy ass reason that got under my skin – not sure why the f**k it did, but it did. It’s not like I want to get married, at least not in this decade, but the fact that she seemed so against it – against being with someone forever – made me start to wonder how long she was planning on sticking around. And that reminded me of how I said I love her and how she clearly doesn’t reciprocate the feeling. So what am I to her? I have no idea.
I’m riled up on the inside, letting things get under my skin too much and pretending to be okay on the outside, just like I used to all the time. Thankfully, my friends decided to choose the lower section of the place where alcohol isn’t served, otherwise I’d have caved the moment we walk in. It makes it easier to stay away from it and I have a good distraction – Violet and her god damn leather dress. The thing barely covers her ass making her long legs look nearly endless. And those boots with those heels … Jesus f**king Christ, she’s sexy as hell. The music’s good too for the most part, plus it’s nice to hang out with Kayden, Callie, Seth, Greyson and Violet all at one time.
The whole place screams edgy Halloween theme with black lights, mist, and spray paint covering the walls and almost everyone is dressed up in some sort of costume. There’s this neon effect going on and everything with bright colors and in white glows. Violet would blend in with the darkness, but Seth, Callie and her decided to take this weird lipstick-looking thing and draw all over the skin showing, which means Violet is glowing with designs and patterns on almost every inch of her body.
Yes, f**king ridiculously sexy.
‘I’m going to dance. Who wants to save seats?’ Violet rises from her chair. We’ve secured a table as close to the dance floor and stage as possible, so losing the seats would suck.
Seth and Greyson both jump from their barstools. ‘Not it,’ Seth calls out, then grabs Callie’s hand and pulls both Greyson and her toward the dance floor before anyone can protest.
Violet looks at me and I give her the best smile I can muster. ‘Go ahead. I’ll sit this one out.’
She hesitates. ‘You sure?’
I nod and force my smile to be more cheery – more fake. ‘Yes, go.’ I wave at her to get a move on.
She whirls toward the dancing area and I feel this instantaneous urge to follow her, remembering how sexy Violet is when she dances. But I’m not sure I’m in the mood, nor do I want to bail and leave Kayden sitting solo, so I keep my ass planted in the chair.
‘I have a f**king headache,’ I mutter and take a sip of my Coke, wondering if maybe my blood sugar’s low or if I’m just really stressed.
‘You look like you haven’t slept in a while,’ Kayden states, glancing at his cellphone screen. ‘We probably shouldn’t stay out too long considering we have a game tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, probably.’ I’m distracted as a waitress with a tray full of shot glasses walks by. I thought they don’t serve alcohol here? I watch her as she pushes her way through the crowd heading for a spiral staircase. She struggles to balance the tray as she maneuvers her way up the stairs and to the top area – the twenty-one and over area. I have a fake ID and even though this place is notorious for being able to identify fake ID’s, I think about going up there. Honestly, if I wanted to, I could wait for the waitress to come back and charm her until she gives me one. I don’t want to, but I just keep thinking about how things would be so much easier to deal with tonight if I could have just one sip.
Just one.
‘I think I’m going to see how long Callie wants to stay,’ Kayden gets out of the chair. ‘You can ride back with us if you want.’