Sitting in the dark with her bare feet on the coffee table, she continued to bemoan her pathetic love life. The light over her door shone dimly, but it didn't really illuminate the room, despite the uncurtained windows. If she had any sense, she'd get up and turn on the lamp, but in her present frame of mind she preferred to sit in the dark.
Someone knocked on her door, and through her window she could see the shadowy shape of a man. Her breath caught in her throat as she ran to answer it. There, on the other side, stood Nate with his hands shoved in his back pockets.
At first all they did was stare at each other. Then, as if magnetically drawn to him, she stepped closer.
"I don't know what's happening to us," he whispered, "but I couldn't just leave you like this."
Rachel felt the same way.
"For the first time since I joined the navy, I don't want to go to sea."
Rachel didn't want him to leave, either.
"Come with me."
"Where?"
"I don't know. Let's sit on the beach and watch the stars."
She wanted to shriek and sob with joy. "Are you going to kiss me?"
He grinned boyishly. "Probably. Are you going to let me?"
She smiled, too. "I'm thinking about it."
He threw back his head and laughed. "Don't think too long."
Forty-Eight
The alarm buzzed and with a frustrated groan, Ian rolled over and cuddled Cecilia close. Slipping his hand over her waist, he lightly pressed his palm to the ever-so-slight bulge.
"Hmm," Cecilia purred softly as the radio played a Carly Simon tune. "Don't tell me it's time to get up."
He kissed the top of her head. "Afraid so."
She laid her hand over his. "Baby says good morning, too."
"Morning, baby," Ian whispered. The words nearly stalled in his throat. This was the last morning he'd be with Cecilia until after the baby was born. The George Washington was being deployed to the South Pacific for the next number of months. Six was what they'd been told, but it could be longer.
Cecilia rolled onto her back and looked up at him with her dark brown eyes. "Everything's going to be okay. Stop worrying."
Ian wasn't sure whether she was trying to convince him or herself.
"I'll be fine. I have friends this time." She rested her head against his bare shoulder.
"Does that mean you won't miss me?" Ian attempted to make a joke out of it, but failed.
"Oh, honey, you know I will."
"Some husbands and wives get into big fights about now. Makes it easier to leave."
Kissing his jaw, she whispered, "I'd rather make love than argue."
"Me, too." He never was much good at arguing with her, anyway. He loved Cecilia beyond reason. And, in spite of his fears, he'd come to believe that if they continued to put off having another child until he felt "ready," it would never happen.
"How much time do we have?" Cecilia whispered as she stroked his upper arms.
He nibbled on her ear. "Enough."
Her smile was slow and sexy as she tucked one silky leg between his. Their lovemaking was hot and urgent. Afterward they held each other for a long time, neither willing to release the other. It meant they had to rush so he could make his quarters, but Ian didn't care.
Cecilia hurriedly dressed to drive him to the shipyard. While he gathered up the remainder of his things, she walked out to the parking area to start the car. Although she'd tried to hide it, Ian had seen the tears in her eyes. She wasn't the only one who felt emotionally shaky; in all the years he'd been with the navy, he'd never dreaded going to sea the way he did now. His attitude must have shown because the minute he slipped into the car, Cecilia offered him an encouraging smile.
"Everything's going to be fine," she assured him again, but he read through her bravado.
Ian desperately wanted to believe her. But he couldn't quite overcome his doubts. Dread almost overwhelmed him as she backed out of the parking area.
"It really is all right, Ian." She gently touched his knee.
"You know this, do you?" He didn't mean to sound so sharp, but every fear caused by the death of their first child was staring him in the face with this second one. The knot in his stomach refused to go away and wouldn't until he knew for a fact that she'd delivered a healthy baby girl.
"I'll send you updates every time I go to the doctor."
"Promise?" Mixed in with his fears was the suspicion that Cecilia would try to protect him from the truth. But he wanted to know every detail of her pregnancy. Needed to know.
"I promise," she vowed.
They rode in silence for a short while. All the time Cecilia was driving, Ian worried that when the moment came to leave, he wouldn't be able to do it. His gut told him this deployment was history repeating itself. They'd known Cecilia was pregnant with a girl when he'd left three years ago. She was pregnant again with a girl.
He'd been at sea when Allison was born.
He'd be at sea when their second child was born, too.
Cecilia's ultrasound had looked perfectly normal the first time.
This ultrasound revealed nothing abnormal, either.
Now he was leaving, and the weight on his chest was almost more than he could bear.
Forty-Nine
Maryellen sat on the balcony outside the master bedroom and stared out over the calm waters of Puget Sound. She could see Mount Rainier clearly in the distance. It seemed close enough to touch.
Katie slept peacefully, curled up on Maryellen's lap. The little girl's hand clutched her favorite blanket, her other thumb in her mouth.
Closing her eyes, she breathed in the briny scent of the sea and listened to the muted sounds of late afternoon. It'd been nine days since she'd miscarried her baby. Nine days since she'd slept a whole night, and nine days since her heart was torn to shreds.
Jon had been attentive and thoughtful, anticipating her every need. Yet they lived as polite strangers. He was worried about her, and Maryellen suspected he'd talked to her mother because Grace had been by to visit nearly every day.
At the sound of her husband's footsteps behind her, Maryellen glanced over her shoulder.