She finished at a near shout, her hands on her hips. It actually felt good to vent some of her worry, rather than bottle it. At the flex in Gideon"s jaw, the flash of frustrated anger in his gaze, she saw Daegan had nothing to worry about. Her vampire hunter wouldn"t strike out at her. He was far too busy flagellating himself.
The thought she sent him now was considerably softer, a balm to her anger. You think I’m past all of it? I still haven’t faced what happened in that alley. Once this part is over, I’m going to need a month on my couch with old movies, chocolate ice cream and fuzzy slippers to come to terms with it. Hell, with everything that’s happened and that I’ve lost. We don’t have time to be fighting our personal demons. Not now. But we will. Later. Both of us.
Gideon stared at her a long moment. When she saw a quiver at the corner of his lip, as if he"d been knocked off stride by the visual, she cocked her head. “Maybe I"ll have an extra spoon,” she murmured.
He picked up the magazine he"d been staring at blindly earlier. He twisted it into a roll in his hands, reflecting his inner twistings and turnings. The anger had drained out of his face. “I don"t really like chocolate ice cream. I"ve always preferred vanilla.” The warmth spread through her. He"d made that turn once again, away from his own darkness. She gave him an arch look. “Yeah, right. You keep telling yourself that.”
“I"m sorry, Anwyn. I apologize. It"s just pre-battle nerves, of a sort.” He was charmingly formal, her rough vampire hunter. He even sent an awkward nod, almost like a courtier"s bow, in Daegan"s direction. It somewhat alarmed her, truth be told.
“It"s tougher to go into a dangerous situation, knowing weapons aren"t going to be an option,” Daegan agreed quietly, his guard relaxing.
“And something that matters to me will be right in the middle.” Gideon took a deep breath, met her eyes.
“Fifteen years ago, I was a kid. A kid thinking about junior varsity football and what a pain in the ass my little brother was. On one afternoon, that all ended. My parents died in a freak lightning strike. I can still feel the sand and sweat on my palms as I did CPR on my mom, not believing she was gone. Seeing Jacob"s scared face, then him going into shock later.”
“Gideon.” It was Daegan who spoke, his voice kinder. Anwyn hadn"t seen this coming, and so was rendered silent by the raw emotion in her servant"s voice.
Gideon kept going, as if Daegan hadn"t spoken, as if he was talking to some place deep inside himself, rather than to the two of them. “Several years later, I"m in high school. We ended up with my uncle and aunt, who love us, but you know, they aren"t our parents, didn"t ask for us. I"m playing ball, though, and Jacob seems to be doing okay. I meet this perfect girl.
A girl who loves me, and believes I"m strong and capable. Her hero. I thought of us as engaged when I gave her my high school ring, even though everyone thought we were way too young for that. But for the first time in my life I think, Hey, maybe there was nothing else I could have done that day to help my parents.
“Then one night, a vampire takes my girl down in an alley, drains her, rips her open. She dies alone while I"m running off for help, when any fool could see it was over for her. What she needed was for me to stay, be there with her. She was begging me not to leave.” Anwyn closed her eyes, pain suffusing her face, but Gideon continued. “So I drop out of school, become a vampire hunter. For my twenty-first birthday, I staked my tenth vampire, my gift to myself.” His gaze locked with Daegan"s. “I mired myself in blood and rage, but there was still some part of me, some closely guarded part, that was still that kid. The kid who"d hung out at the dinner table with his parents, laughing and picking at each other. Hell, we played cards some nights, and Mom would cheat, shoving us cards under the table so we could beat Dad, but he"d always catch us, grab her and tickle her. We"d join in . . .” He paused, his face getting such a strained look it was as if he were strapped to a rack, being tortured. “That guy who gave Laura his ring? The one who thought getting the chance to make love to her in the backseat, sweet and slow, was the closest thing to Heaven anyone could ever get? Maybe I thought that guy was still inside me, somewhere.
“But two nights ago, I found out that kid is completely gone. That I"m fucked-up in my head and dick over two people, and one of them happens to be a male vampire, one that represents a lot of what I"m supposed to be fighting. Yeah, I deal with it in an immature way, Anwyn, throwing out insults, hoping he"ll get pissed off enough to tear off my head. Because it"s a lot easier than dealing with this shit storm going on inside me. Jacob told me a while back that he doesn"t even know who I am anymore. After that night with the three of us, I don"t either.” He stopped, let the mangled magazine fall to the seat. Straightening, he looked at them both.
“I"ll just . . . I"m going to go take a nap for a couple of hours, make sure I"m fueled for this.” Abruptly, he slid past them, left the main cabin. When Anwyn moved to go after him, Daegan closed a hand on her wrist, though his own expression was troubled. “Let him go, cher. As you said, until this is over, we all will have to manage our own demons, in our own way. He will stand fast for you; never fear.”
“That"s what worries me.” Anwyn reached out, a simple touch to Gideon"s mind. Do sleep, Gideon. And dream good dreams. It will be all right.
She wondered if he realized that she had as urgent a compulsion to protect him as he did for her. When her gaze shifted back to Daegan, she knew that was another thing they had in common, another quality that bound the three of them together. Only time would tell if that triangle was made of Tinkertoys, easily broken apart, or a silver instrument that resonated with a beautiful tone on all three sides, no matter what struck it.
12
As he got out of the limo, holding the door for Anwyn, Gideon looked up at the castle looming against the night sky. He shook his head.
“What is it?” Anwyn asked, her fingers a light hook over his hand as she stepped out onto pavement.
“I just imagined sending my brother a postcard from here. „Hey, hanging out with the Council this week. Wish you were here." He"d shit a brick.”
“If they have a gift shop in the creepy castle, we should definitely pick one up.” He gave her an amused look, one that lingered over her in a flattering way. She smiled up at him. “Do I meet inspection?”
He shrugged. “You don"t look as pretty as me, but you clean up good.” He caught her fingers before they could pinch his arm, and kissed them, a brush of warmth. Despite her banter, he felt her nervousness, but it was impossible to tell from the outside. She looked every inch the part she was going to play tonight.
They had changed on the plane. A Council audience was a formal one, even if, as Daegan explained, it was a completely private audience. So Anwyn wore a blue silk dress that clung to her curves and stopped just above her knees. She could have walked out of a silver screen decades ago, her hair perfectly coiffed and makeup in place, a pair of sexy, strappy pumps adorning her feet. By exactly following direction, Gideon had helped her with the hair and even had a go at applying her makeup. He"d won a few teasing laughs at his attempts. But the hand she laid on his shoulder now was cold.
“I"m sorry about this,” he said on impulse. “All of it. I know I said it before, but . . .”
“It wasn"t your doing, Gideon. The world can be a terrible place. I can be afraid of that, live my life cowering in the shadows, angry at everything that happened to me, or see if maybe a new path has been opened up to me.”
“Was that one of those subtle hints aimed at me? I know how women like to twist words around and baffle the linear male brain.”
“There you go, acting like it"s all about you. Don"t sass me, servant.” She gave him a half smile. “I"m a terrifying vampire, you know.”
“You"re a terrifying woman. The vampire part is icing on the cake.” It was natural at that moment to slide an arm around her, but before he could, Daegan shouldered between them. As the vampire took her hand, he barely glanced at Gideon.
He says we’re already being watched, Gideon. I’m sorry.
She was, but Gideon also saw how easily she fell into it, accepting a male servant following at her heels. He knew she was drawing on her experiences at Atlantis, but it still chafed. He put it away. There were more important things to him than his pride. For one thing, the more unobtrusive he was, the more time he"d have to examine and size up their surroundings. It was a strategic advantage.
They"d taken a Mercedes rental from the airstrip to the castle court-yard, and now that Daegan had dealt with the driver, they found themselves facing a lone individual standing in a stone archway. The thin man"s sharp features were caught by flickering torchlight. A cool wind swept through the confined area.
“My lord.” The man bowed. “I am Vincent, one of Lord Belizar"s servants. The Council has instructed me to show you and the fledgling to your quarters. They will provide you an audience in thirty minutes, unless more time is necessary to recover from your travel.”
“Thirty minutes is fine. In fact, we"re adequately prepared now. I don"t wish to linger here longer than necessary. The sooner we leave, the sooner the Council may resume its public business.”
The tall male"s features did not alter. “Some additional business is anticipated. Lord Belizar instructed us to have your quarters prepared for a twenty-four-hour stay.”
“I will discuss that with Lord Belizar. Is there a problem with us proceeding to Council chambers now?”
“No, sir. The thirty minutes was for your convenience. If you will follow me.” Gideon missed the weight of his wrist gauntlets. Daegan had said a boot knife was permissible, but walking into this with nothing but a knife was one step above walking in naked. Of course, by coming to Council headquarters at all, he might as well have stapled