I managed to fall back asleep before waking again several hours later. The ache was gone, but I felt bereft. What I had done earlier was a poor substitution for the real deal, but maybe I wasn't being honest with myself. If so, I might have to admit I still wanted Alec.
I was tired of pondering it either way so I climbed from bed to get my day going. Every Sunday I gave my apartment a good cleaning, including tossing my bedding into my washing machine and dusting every surface area. I vacuumed my bedroom and living room and then gathered all the takeout binge-eating trash that was stacked on the counter from the last two days.
Once I finished, I showered and got dressed to head over to Mom and Dad's for afternoon dinner.
I was the last to arrive when I got to my childhood home a half an hour later. Zachary and Tony were on the front lawn tossing a football while Zachary's forever girlfriend, Ashley, sat on the porch swing reading a book.
Zachary gave me a crushing one-armed hug. "What did you bring for dessert?"
"Nice try. I know for a fact it was your turn to bring dessert. I hope it's something decadent and super rich. I've been holed up in my apartment for two days and my sweet tooth is weeping from neglect."
"Lucky for you, Ash made her famous Hershey's chocolate bar brownies. If you're good, maybe I'll share," he teased, rubbing the top of my head with his knuckles.
I squirmed away before he could do any more damage. "Douche-breath," I grumbled, trying to smooth my hair.
"Zach, you know she doesn't like that," Tony said, chastising him as he pulled me in for a quick hug before placing a wet finger in my ear.
"Gah, are you two ever going to grow up?" I swung at him, but he was too quick and easily darted out of the way. I stomped toward the porch, glaring at them both.
Ashley shook her head sympathetically as I climbed the porch steps. "Your brothers."
"Hey, Ash." I greeted her with a hug that didn't involve noogies or wet willies. "I know, right? Mom should have given them back when they were born. I now know why some species eat their young."
Ashley laughed. She and Zachary had been dating long enough for her to know how things worked in my family. She knew deep down we all loved each other, even if at times I wanted to bury them in a shallow grave. "What are you reading?" I asked, trying to catch a glimpse of the cover.
"That one you picked up for me at your last book event." She moved her hand to show me the cover of my friend Melissa Brown's newest book.
"Oh, that's such a good book. I read the entire thing during my flight from Chicago last month.
"I'd believe it," Ash chuckled. "I just started it this morning and I'm almost done. The writing is flawless."
"I agree. Plus, the storyline is freaking amazing."
She stood from the porch swing to follow me inside. "How's your book coming along?"
I shot her a smile. Ash was a beta reader for me, which meant she was one of the first people to read my books and give suggestions on the story before release. Some writers used more beta readers than others, but Olivia and Ash worked perfectly for me. I figured too many cooks in the kitchen would ruin the meal. "Funny you should ask. I actually finished it last night," I told her, smiling broadly when she jumped up and down like a kid in a candy store. Hopefully that enthusiasm would carry over when she read it. Wicked Lovely was different from my previous work, and I was worried about my readers' reactions to it.
She rubbed her hands together greedily. "When do I get it?"
I waited to answer as Mom engulfed me in a delicate hug that smelled like her favorite perfume. It was a scent she had worn for as long as I could remember. Dad made sure to replenish her supply every Valentine's Day. "You look tired," she said, staring me in the face.
I rolled my eyes. Her mom radar was always on. "I don't know why," I lied easily.
Ash chuckled behind me, earning her the same look I had given my brothers outside. No book for you, I mouthed. Her expression went from humorous to horrified in an instant.
Mom was too busy clucking over the bags under my eyes to pay attention to our exchange. "Why do you look peaked? Are you eating right?"
"Mom, you just saw me last Sunday. How could I have completely fallen apart in one week?"
She held me at arm's length, studying my face intently. "A mother knows. You're working too hard. You have to stop pushing yourself like this."
"I know, Mom, but believe me, I'm fine. I just haven't slept all that well the last few nights, that's all." Of course, I neglected to mention the reason why I hadn't been sleeping. There was no way I would admit the source of my insomnia was a guy. That was a can of worms I wasn't willing to open. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek to distract her. "By the way, Olivia sent me the cover proof for Wicked Lovely. Do you two want to see it?"
"Oh, I do," Ash chimed in, bouncing up and down. Her enthusiasm was infectious and was one of my favorite things about her. Zachary was a complete asshat for not proposing to her yet. My worst fear was that Ash would eventually get sick of waiting for him to pop the question and move on. I loved my brother dearly, but if that happened I would have to disown him.
Pulling out my phone, I clicked on my pictures icon where I had already stored the new cover. Both Mom and Ashley reacted with the appropriate enthusiasm I had expected.
"Oh my. That's what I call smoking," Ash said, fanning herself as Zachary and Tony came in from outside.
Zachary looked over, understandably curious. "Let me see," he demanded, holding out his hand for my phone. I debated not giving it to him. Alec had been a complete monkey's ass the other night, but I wasn't all that keen on hearing him being criticized.
Tony peered over his shoulder and I could tell they both wanted to find something negative to say, but neither of them could find anything.
"Too bad he's gay," Zachary finally said, handing the phone back to me.
I should have kept my mouth shut. It was an easy out. Let them assume Alec was gay. But no, I had to open my mouth like a complete dipshit. "Alec is definitely not gay," I stated with more emphasis than I intended.
Everyone's eyes pivoted to me, including Dad's and my other brother Riley's, who had walked in on the tail end of the conversation. "Who's not gay?" my dad asked. Great. Big Mouth Nicole had struck again.
"Apparently, 'Alec is definitely not gay,'" Zachary said, snapping his fingers in the air.
"Zach, stop teasing her," Ash said, coming to my defense.
Dad kissed me on the cheek and walked to the fridge to fill a glass he had pulled from the cabinet with ice. "Who's Alec?" He sat his glass on the counter and cracked open a can of Diet Coke.
"The model on her new cover. Quite the looker, I must say," mom said, winking at me.
Before I could react, Riley snuck up behind me and snatched the cell phone from my hand. "Oh yeah? If he's got Mom singing his praises, he must be something special," he said, swiping the screen to reveal the cover picture. "Holy shit. Oops." He covered his mouth and ducked out of the way when Mom swiped at his head with a dish towel. Even though we were all adults, my mom would not tolerate cussing in the house. "Sorry, Mom. That's just a very pretty man in that picture."
"Pretty? Maybe you're the one who's gay," Tony said, grabbing Riley in a headlock. They wrestled around, nearly knocking Dad's drink from his hands.
"Hey, knock it off," Dad yelled. My brothers stopped roughhousing immediately. He had always kept my brothers under control, and they knew when they had pushed him to the limits. "So what if this Alex is gay? It's none of our business."
"It's Alec, and he's not gay. I mean, I don't think he's gay," I lamented lamely, trying to fix my mistake. At this point it was a lost cause. I had already put my foot in my mouth. Zachary's and Tony's eyes sparkled, obviously sensing a conspiracy. Even Mom looked delighted, like she could read my mind. Shit. Shit and double shit. She'd have me married off before the evening was over if it was up to her.
"Be still, my heart. I think our Nikki Pooh has a crush," Riley proclaimed. And to think he was my favorite brother. We were the closest since we were only a year apart. What a traitor. See if I asked him to do the playlist for Wicked Lovely now. Riley had aspirations of becoming a producer after studying music in college. He was actually quite talented and could play seven instruments. Still, music genius or not, he could stick it.
"I do not." I wished I had more conviction in my words, but how could I when I didn't believe them myself? Instead, my traitorous lack of a poker face decided to show up.
"There it is, ladies and gentlemen. Nikki Red has shown up for the party," Zachary laughed, using the nickname they had coined for me when we were kids because my cheeks would blush bright red from embarrassment.
"Boys, stop teasing your sister," Mom said. I shot her a grateful look, hoping we could all return to being adults. "Now, tell me all about this boy who has you so worked up," she added, slinging an arm across my shoulders.
I sighed. They were all incorrigible. "Mom, I'm not worked up. I just meant to say I went out with him and he's not gay." I was doing a horrible job of thinking before I spoke. The words came out before I could stop them. Seriously, I needed to cut out my tongue.
Suddenly no one had anything to say. They all looked more shocked than anything. It wasn't that farfetched of an idea that I had a date. Maybe in their eyes Alec was out of my ballpark or something, but they didn't have to look like I'd just told them I was carrying Satan's baby. "I have to use the bathroom," I said, walking away before they could say another word.
Closing the bathroom door behind me, I sighed with relief when I twisted the lock and heard it engage. The downstairs bathroom was only a half bath with a pedestal sink and a toilet, but it felt like a luxurious sanctuary after the barracuda's nest I had just left. I knew they would pounce on me the moment I opened the door, but for now I was safe.
Gripping the cold porcelain of the sink, I glanced in the mirror and nearly startled myself at the almost wild look in my eyes. No wonder they had all been eyeing me like I'd gone off the deep end. I was being utterly ridiculous. I needed to get over Alec. Just because he was on my new cover didn't mean I'd have to see him again. I'd also tell Olivia not to use him on any of my covers in the future. She'd understand.
When I resurfaced from the bathroom I didn't get the full-blown inquisition I had been expecting. I didn't know if I should have felt insulted or relieved. Maybe Mom and Dad had told my brothers to lay off. Whatever the reason, no one uttered another word about Alec. Instead, the conversation shifted to the Rays game that was about to start. We sat in front of the TV eating pizza like every other Sunday.
Chapter Eight
"Don't be mad."
Nothing good ever came from those words. Truthfully, their use together should be stricken from the English language.
I paused the show I had been binge watching. Anytime I finished a book I allowed myself an entire day of mindless TV. I'd watch an entire season of one of my favorite shows without any guilt. This time I picked one of my favorite shows on HGTV and I didn't want to miss it. I shifted my phone to my other ear. "What did you do?" I asked Olivia.
"First, you need to remember that I always have your best interests at heart. You know I'm your biggest cheerleader when it comes to your victories and milestones. I want nothing more than N.S. Blake to be a household name. I feel your brand is the most important thing at the moment and that we should be working aggressively to build it." Her words poured out like a tidal wave.
"What did you do?" I repeated.
"Fine. It's no big deal anyway. I answered one of the emails that you haven't gotten a chance to get to yet."
I waited. So far she wasn't confessing to anything she hadn't done before. Olivia not only helped with my covers, but she also acted as an assistant when she knew I was deep in my writing cave. She helped me answer emails and keep my schedule organized.
When I didn't speak, she continued. "Anyway, Indie Booklicious Con wanted to know if you would participate in their Cover-Extravaganza. Naturally, it seemed like a great idea. I know that you wanted to get the word out for Wicked Lovely, so I figured it was a win-win situation."
Her words sounded reasonable. I couldn't argue with anything she had said, and yet, the way she acted it didn't take an Einstein to know there was a boom on the way. It had to be a doozy the way she was buttering me up.
"So, I told them you would absolutely like to participate this weekend at the signing, and that you would be happy to bring your cover model with you." She spoke quickly, like she felt if she got the words out fast enough I wouldn't have time to object.
I shook my head even though she couldn't see me. There was no way that my best friend, who I loved, who I trusted above anyone else, would do this to me again. Especially after I basically told her I would rather poke my eyes out with a rusty fork than see Alec again.
"What are you telling me, Liv?" I rubbed my temple to ease the sudden headache that had popped up.
"I'm sorry, Nic, but I honestly feel it's the best thing for you at the moment. We both know from your last book event in Chicago that bringing your cover model with you has become popular. Readers like taking pictures with them. It makes them feel like they're getting a chance to actually step into your pages."
I closed my eyes in resignation. I knew she was right. We had even talked about it after the Chicago signing. It was a great marketing advantage and definitely attracted attention at signings. Up to this point I had shied away from bringing attention to myself at events. Talking to new people was something I was still getting used to. I envied my writer friends who were naturally outgoing at the signings. They interacted and engaged their readers in a way I hadn't done yet. Making it through one signing with Alec could help change that.
"Nicole?" Olivia said my name cautiously, waiting for me to bite her head off.
"Okay," I answered, giving in.
"Okay?" She squealed jubilantly.
"Yes, okay. I'm not going to say I'm crazy about the idea, but I know if I want this new book to make its way into the hands of new readers, I need to step outside my comfort zone. I feel like I'm being thrown into the deep end of the pool with Alec, but I'm sure I'll survive. And hey, if I don't, you'll get all my stuff. Just make sure Severus is taken care of."