“I was scared,” I finally said. “Jealous and scared.”
Surprise flickered across his face.
“I’d sent her into your arms knowing you’d take care of her while I was gone while hating the bad influence you were on each other. You had this connection I didn’t understand, this… thing that gripped both of you like a vise. I didn’t get it, I hated it, hated you for bringing her into it almost as much as I hated that I couldn’t stop it.” All things I’d told Ang without reservation. “And I’d been gone so much, it made sense, she chose drugs over me, why not eventually choose my best friend? The one who was there when I wasn’t?”
Andrew looked away.
Ang reached for my hand and squeezed.
“The thing is…” I dug my heels into the sand and looked out at the horizon. “You’re right, I blamed everyone but me. Hated everyone for my own damn brokenness not realizing that I helped create it. I played victim — when I was the culprit.”
Andrew riveted his gaze on our joined hands, then quickly averted his eyes back to the ocean.
This wasn’t going to end with handshakes, high fives, and tears, at least not on his end.
It wasn’t the ending you hold your breath for on TV or when you read books — it was life.
And when life kicks you in the ass.
Sometimes words can’t fix it.
Sometimes silence is your only option so you don’t ruin it further with your words.
Andrew finally stood and whispered under his breath so low I almost didn’t hear it. “Good talk.”
He walked off, shoving his hands into his pockets as the sun started to set around us.
I faced Ang, afraid I’d see hurt in her eyes.
Instead only understanding.
“We left it in the ocean.” She sighed before wrapping her arms around me. “We can talk about it — or we can move past it—”
“It’s my fault,” I choked out. “We lost so much.” Tears filled my eyes. “I just couldn’t see past…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “Myself.”
“You are quite a big deal,” Ang teased running her hands through my hair.
“I never deserved you. And even after everything, I still don’t. Never will.” I admitted, “But I’ll fight for you. For us.” I gripped her wrists with my hands and pressed a kiss to her skin, then grabbed her hand and kissed the inside of her bird tattoo. “I swear, I’ll fight for us.”
“I don’t need you to.” Ang’s eyes shone. “Because I already fought for me and won, and so did you. Now, we just do it together.”
“Together.” I kissed her reverently as she snaked her arms around my neck and opened her mouth to me, and finally, as the wind picked up and settled around our bodies I felt it.
The dread disappeared.
The peace was back.
We stopped kissing, and walked hand in hand back toward set, and in the distance, I could have sworn I saw Andrew turn to us and smile.
BY THE TIME we made it back to set most of the chaos had died down. Andrew was back, but he was still lurking in the corner, his eyes downcast but not as lost as when he’d first gotten to Seaside.
Alec and Demetri had started a bonfire down by the ocean.
All of us just followed, like we knew the fire was for us, like we were in need of the calm the heat would bring.
Even Andrew eventually ventured over after Jay said something.
Demetri had his ever-present guitar.
Alec had his.
And then Zane said something like, “Oh, look what I have here.”
“Any other instruments we should know about?” I said casually.
“Don’t!” Demetri waved his hands in the air. “Don’t give him the perfect set up to take off his pants, not when he’s finally wearing them.”
Zane just shrugged.
I leaned back into the sand and closed my eyes for a few seconds.
Everything fell silent.
So I opened one eye and then another.
A guitar was being held over my head.
“Are you going to hit me with it?” I asked considering it was Andrew who was holding it.
“The thought occurred at least a dozen times,” he admitted in a cold voice. “But it’s a nice guitar, it would be a shame if it had to wear your ugly mug the rest of its life.”
“Hah.” Zane laughed. “I’m so glad we didn’t kill you.”
“Say what?” Ty choked.
Demetri groaned.
Slowly, I took the guitar from Andrew’s outstretched hands and sat up.
I strummed a few chords.
Demetri followed.
And then Zane handed his guitar to Andrew.
He’d been the lead guitarist, while I was the lead singer; we both played, but he was always better. Always.
Andrew swallowed, biting down on his lower lip before he took the guitar and strummed along with us.
Ty grabbed his drumsticks and started pounding against a bucket.
And before we knew it.
We were having an impromptu jam session.
Jay jumped to his feet, ran like hell way from us, only to run back with a smaller camera. “Don’t stop.”
A few of the extra’s stopped by and sat behind us.
And the filming began.
And to think, none of us had any lines.
Maybe we didn’t need them.
Not when life had handed us enough words, enough living, that we did just that.
We lived.
Survived.
And let people watch us as we picked up from every last fall and kept walking.
“We have come so far…” I sang, “To ever stop, even when the road is dark—”
The fire roared to life in front of me.
I kept singing while the rest of the guys joined in.
And just like that.
We filmed the music video for the film.
One take.
And Jay looked ready to hand himself an academy award for music composition.
“So.” Zane leaned forward. “About the Tour, Will.”
My eyebrows shot up. “What about it?”
“I had this… idea.” Zane’s eyes flickered around the group. “Something epic, something big… a once in a lifetime show.”
My eyes narrowed. “I’m listening.”
“Adrenaline — the United Tour, featuring, AD2, and myself. We’ll stop at only the major US Cities, Take a month off, then Berlin, London, Hong-Kong…”
I felt like I couldn’t speak.
So, when Andrew said, “Maybe.”
And both Ty and Trevor’s eyes lit up.
I knew.
It was time.
I grabbed Ang’s hand and nodded. “I’ll make some calls.”
“Oh, one more thing…” Zane grinned. “I want extra marshmallows added to my contract.”
“You’re a freak.” I laughed.
“But I bring in the zillions, man, come on.” Zane started taking off his pants.
Thankfully, Fallon was there to deter him with her mouth.
They started kissing.
“Families tour with us.” I swallowed, locking eyes with all the guys. “None of this groupie bullshit.”
Ty groaned.
“Unless you’re single.
He perked back up.
Ang laid her head on my shoulder and sighed.
“What do you say?” I whispered, “Come on tour with me… again?”
“Hmmm.” She grinned up at me, “On one condition.”
“Anything.”
“You sure about that?”
IT WAS MIDNIGHT by the time we made it back home. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and just… exist.
And then Will started taking my clothes off, and I forgot all about existing on my own, and began to think about licking my way down his body instead, or up, I wasn’t picky.
“Mmm.” I groaned when his lips slid down my neck. “That feels nice.”
“You feel nice,” he murmured stealing another kiss. “I love you.”
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
I couldn’t help the sleepy smile that spread across my face at his words. Or the desire to press my palm against his chest. And when he gripped my fingers like a lifeline, unbridled passion flickered across his handsome features as the lean muscles of his stomach seemed to ripple in the moonlight. I couldn’t resist the feeling of power it gave me to know… that expression was for me.