Plenty of risks to go around, that’s for sure.
Just then I spot Lanie crossing the street. She took the bus like she’s been told to, so it’s good to know we’re still going by protocol, even if we haven’t seen each other in a year.
She walks right past my Jeep and I watch her, but she doesn’t look at me. Her dark hair is red now. A wig. And her raincoat is long, reaching down past her knees. She’s wearing jeans and some knockoff sheepskin boots.
I don’t watch her once she’s past my line of sight. Instead I check my phone, messing around on the Public Fuck Facebook page—which has two likes, JD and me, since we haven’t launched yet—and exactly ten minutes later I get out and walk down to the discount cinema where I know Lanie went in, even though I didn’t watch her.
Inside it’s a madhouse of kids and video games as parents on a budget endure this ruckus so they can buy a little entertainment. I check the movies, choose the next show time for the last one listed on the board above my head, and pay for a ticket.
Thankfully, it’s not a kids’ show. It’s a two-and-a-half-hour murder drama that has been playing for the better part of six months—because this cinema only gets movies just before they go to DVD—and there’s only a handful of people seated when I walk in and find Lanie sitting up in the last row with her boots propped up on the seat in front of her.
I walk up the steps slowly, trying to gauge her mood as I make my approach. She smiles when I sit down and I take her hand like we’re a couple. “Missed you,” I say softly.
“I wish I could say the same,” she shoots back with a smile.
“Sorry about this. You know—”
“I know,” she says, cutting me off. “Forget it. Just tell me what you need.”
She winces when I say, “Two.” And I try my best to make it sound like no big deal. “One in here and one in the car once it gets dark.”
“Jesus Christ, Ark.”
“Lanie, it’s not like I ask that often. I just fell short this week.”
“Why?” she asks, turning to me. “What happened?”
“The fucking girls just bailed. We had three set up and two fell through. Look, I know this sucks, but we’ve got two weeks left. Two weeks.”
“And then what? None of that makes sense to me. You actually plan on running a porn business?”
“I already run a porn business, Lane.”
“Not like that, Ark.” She sneers my name. “Not like what you’re planning. It’s apples and oranges. You’re so much worse than him.”
“Fuck you,” I say before I can stop myself.
“Well, you’ve taken care of that, haven’t you?”
Goddammit. I really do not need the lecture right now. But I can’t help myself from asking. Because I’m not like him. “How? It’s the same shit.”
“Because you’ll be perpetuating it. And not only that, you’ll be profiting from it.”
“I’m already profiting from it.”
She turns her head away, letting me know this conversation is over. And before I can even defend my indefensible position, the lights dim and the previews start. When the announcement comes on for everyone to turn their phones off, a few of the scattered couples down front make a move to do that.
But I power mine up.
Because Lanie is already on her knees blowing me in the twilight darkness. And when the movie starts, I fist her hair and hold her face down on my cock as I come down her throat.
We don’t leave together. She gets up as soon as she’s done and I stay until the end of the movie and then make my way back to my Jeep and drive home. When I pull into my parking spot, she’s already opening the door as I shift into first and turn the ignition off.
“You owe me,” she says as I unzip my pants.
“I know,” I tell her back as she gets me hard again. This takes longer than I’d like because all I can think about is how much she hates me. How big of an asshole I am for making her do this. How dirty my hands are for being in this business. And how right she is.
I’m way worse than Ray.
Because Ray would never take a girl against her will. That’s why I need the proof of ID, the contracts, and all that other bullshit. Ray is legit.
And I can tell myself this is business all I want. That Lanie has to do this for me, per our agreement. But it’s bullshit. I’m making her blow me. I’m making her degrade herself. And I’m going to drive over to Ray’s, edit it, and upload it to his servers as soon as I’m done here.
I’m far, far worse than Ray.
Because I’m not legit. I’m nothing but a scammer. A cheater. A walking piece of shit. And everything that has come out of my mouth the past four years has been a lie.
It was Janine Delgado who started me down this path. I blame her for all of it. I know, even as I lie in this stranger’s bed, that I’m being irrational. Both for letting him bring me here and for blaming Janine Delgado for my problems. But I have a good argument for both.
Janine Delgado was a mama’s girl from day one. Being neighbors and exactly the same age—we shared a birthday—we started out as friends from the beginning. But Janine and I could not be farther apart in personality. She was afraid of everything and I was afraid of nothing. By the time we got to middle school, kids used to taunt her about it. They called her Janine the Drama Queen because everything with her was a production. She was awkward in every social situation, so when it came time to go to parties in high school, Janine was told by her parents to try harder, and harder she did. She went overboard in every way imaginable. There is a difference between being fearless, like me, and stupid, like her. Although I do admit my decisions over the past year and a half put me squarely into the stupid department.