He was sat beside me.
Flame was sitting right beside me.
Dropping my eyes to the frayed edges of the gray blanket wrapped around me, I played with the clustered strands of wool just for something to help with the nerves accosting my body.
But Flame was absolutely still. Absolutely silent.
I glanced to the side, only to see him watching. As soon as our eyes met, he dropped his. A blush raced to fill my cheeks, and for some unknown reason, a whisper of a smile pulled on the corner of my mouth.
Lifting my head, I stared at the large moon, and found the courage to speak. “I did not think you would be coming to see me tonight.”
After several seconds of silence, I believed Flame would not respond. Until I caught him shift in his seat, and he said roughly, “I couldn’t stay away.”
My pulse raced at his response and I whispered, “Why?”
Flame’s shoulders shrugged, then focusing back on the blade in his hand, he said, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And I…” Flame trailed off.
“And what?” I pushed.
“I needed to be near you. I needed to know you were safe.”
I watched Flame’s finger stroke along the edge of his blade, but his words circled my head and my heart bloomed.
“I am happy you came,” I said in response. Drawing in a breath, I added, “I… I have missed you…” The confession was made on a whisper, my voice too nervous to be bold. Though I meant it with all my heart. I had missed him more than I ever thought possible.
Flame’s sharp exhale slipped from his lips. “I can’t fucking stand that I was gone from you that long. It’s fucking with my head.”
My attention slipped to the red scar at the side of his neck, his gauze now gone, and I asked, “Were you in pain?” My stomach turned. “I cannot bear the thought of you in pain because of me.”
“No,” Flame said coldly. “There was no pain. I’m good with pain. But they fucking strapped me down. They strapped me down and I couldn’t fucking stand it. Then they drugged me. Drugged me so I couldn’t get to them. Couldn’t kill the men that strapped me down.”
Flame was panting, his nostrils flaring. My head dropped. “It was my fault,” I whispered. “It was my fault you had to go through that.”“I had to protect you.” He then shifted in his seat and admitted, “When I woke up, when AK and Viking woke me up, you were the first person I thought of. And I had to see you. I just… I just had to fucking see you.”
My lip hooked at the corner, his desperate need to see me igniting a flicker of happiness in my heart. But as I looked at his face, at the dark circles below his eyes, that smiled faded.
“You appear tired,” I said quietly, and Flame briefly closed his eyes.
“I don’t sleep. I can never fucking sleep.”
Flame’s torso went rigid, his knuckles white as they gripped the blade and I whispered, “Why?”
Flame’s head shook and his teeth gritted together. Then staring into the distance, replied, “I just fucking can’t.”
Understanding he did not want to talk about it, I let it be. “I understand,” I soothed. “I do not sleep much either.” Brother Moses’ face flitted through my mind, and I explained, “I have too many memories that visit at night… memories I would rather not relive.”
Flame sucked in a quick breath, but said nothing in response. Another sweep of cold wind whipped around the lawn, and I pulled the blanket up to my chin. Shifting in my seat, I turned to curl up in Flame’s direction.
Flame’s head was resting against the high back of the chair. As I drank in his large frame, his dark hair and beard, his heavy covering of tattoos and his many piercings, I found myself feeling more at ease than I had in weeks.
“I am happy you are back, Flame. I found myself at a loss without you.”
“You did?”
“Completely lost. You… you are the only person that ever makes me feel safe. When you were gone…” I trailed off, unable to express how his absence made me feel.
Flame groaned. “Maddie…”
My heart beat hard at the desperate tone to his voice. “Flame,” I whispered back, his dark eyes trapped mine.
The air was static between us, a thick fog shrouding where we sat. My heart beat erratically, and unsteady breaths slipped through my lips. Then a voice called from the side of the house, shattering the moment.
“Maddie?”
I looked behind me, only to see Lilah rushing into the clearing.