My heart feels like it’s being ripped into a thousand tiny pieces.
* * *
Jax—Just answer the phone, Delaney.
Jax—Fuck me, I need to explain.
Jax—It wasn’t what you think. I won’t explain this over a message.
Jax—Will you answer the fucking phone?
Jax—You’re still coming to New York, aren’t you?
Jax—Come on, kitten. Answer the fucking phone.
* * *
I don’t answer the phone, I don’t respond to his text messages, I just carry on for the next few days like none of it ever happened. I play the sick card right up until we’re ready to leave for New York. As angry as I am at Jax, I’m not missing the chance to go on a trip of a lifetime, and the ultimate protection case.
Kyle tried to tell Nak I wasn’t ready, that being ill would put me off guard, but as always Nak came to my defense and allowed me to go. Our plane leaves in an hour, and Kyle is bringing Jax to the airport. I am acting as professionally as I can, trying not to show any emotion. When the two of them enter the terminal, I nod my head in their direction and act as if Jax is nothing more than a job.
We all take a seat, and silence fills the air, thick and heavy. I can feel Jax’s eyes on me, but I haven’t once looked in his direction. When he stands abruptly, I finally look to him. “I need to use the bathroom.”
Kyle stands. “I’ll take you.”
“No,” he says, looking to me. “Delaney can, you’ve done enough in the last few days. She can take over for a while.”
This gives Kyle a smug look on his face that I want to slap right off. He stares at me, nodding his head, and I can’t argue so I stand and wave a hand. “Right this way.”
We walk towards the restroom and just before we reach it, Jax lashes out, taking my hand and shoving us both into the shared room that’s big and empty. He locks the door and spins on me. “What the hell, Jax?” I snap. “People might need to use the bathroom. Think of the mothers and kids and people in wheelchairs.”
“I won’t be long,” he growls. “But you’re going to listen to me.”
“Actually I’m not,” I say, stepping past him.
His hand lashes out, capturing my wrist, and he hauls my body up against his, wrapping an arm around my waist.
“Let me go, you … asswipe!”
He snorts. “If that’s the best you’ve got, we could be here all day.”
“Bite me, Jaxson Shields.”
“If that’s what you want, but let’s save it until after we talk.”
“We’re not talking!” I snap, trying to stomp on his foot.
I could get out, really I could, but being in his arms feels … nice.
“Stop doing that and listen to me,” he orders.
“So you can tell me all about your little love triangle?”
“I don’t have a fucking love triangle, Delaney. I didn’t fuck her, which is obviously what you got out of that conversation.”
I stop, mouth open and ready to fire words at him, but his confession shocks me.
“You’re lying,” I hiss.
“Jesus!” he yells. “If you’ll fucking stop and listen.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No!” I screech.
“If I have to use force, Delaney, believe me, none of the training you’ve had will free you.”
“Do it, I dare you. I’d love to kick your ass again.”
He makes a growling sound. “Just shut your pretty mouth and listen to what I have to say, kitten.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he speaks over me, effectively cutting me off.
“I walked out of your apartment that night after I kissed you, knowing I couldn’t have what I wanted, knowing it was too big of a risk. God, if you knew how fucking incredible it felt … but I was angry, and frustrated and no it’s not a fucking excuse but when she asked to come over, I agreed, I figured she and I needed to talk. Whatever you think you heard, you fucking didn’t. I didn’t go anywhere near Tori that night.”
“Then why did she say you didn’t do much talking?” I cry.
“Because I did a whole lot of fucking screaming.”
“You’re lying.” I try again. “It’s what you do best. I’m sorry, Jax, but how can I believe you when I know you’ve been holding her on the side for so long?”
He flinches.
“I care about her, Delaney, and I made a mistake once. I learned from that mistake and it won’t happen again. She wanted it to, she threw herself at me, but I didn’t allow it and I told her I didn’t love her. You heard wrong and jumped to your own conclusions. Jesus, if you can’t see how much I fucking want you…”
I stare at him and rasp, “I don’t know anymore, Jax. This whole thing seems to be getting harder and harder…”
He steps closer. “It’s fucking worth it, don’t you think?”
“We’re playing with fire, Jax. It’s dangerous and—”
“And fucking incredible,” he murmurs, stepping close, backing me into the wall.
“I can’t be a plaything. You saw how I reacted to the very thought that you have been sleeping with another woman and we hadn’t even had sex when I thought it happened. I’m possessive, Jax. I don’t like to share. I think it’s better for both of us, and our careers, if we just—”
He cuts me off by dropping his mouth to mine and kissing me. I resist only for a second, before I give in and part my lips, letting his tongue slide inside my mouth. I kiss him deep and hard, curling my fingers around his jacket. It’s not a long kiss, but it’s full of promise. He pulls back and stares down at me, eyes full of lust and want.
“All of those things might be true, but there’s no fucking way I can walk away from you now. I want you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life.”
“You don’t even know me,” I whisper.
“I plan on getting to know you.”
“Jax, this job, I’ve worked so hard for it. I can’t risk losing it.”
“And while you’re my security, we’ll keep it on the down low, but after that I very much intend on taking you out, kitten.”
“Don’t you think it’s a bit late for dating, considering you fucked me already?”
He grins. “I never claimed to be traditional.”
I sigh and drop my head into his chest. “You’re not playing by the rules, handsome. You’re not supposed to get under my skin.”
“Too late, baby,” he murmurs, resting his chin on my head. “I’m already there.”
Yes, yes he is.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
We arrive in New York just as the sun begins to set. I can’t see much as we get into a cab and head towards the hotel, but my heart is racing with happiness and anticipation anyway. The city is bustling, even at this time of the day, and the lights of all the buildings and stores are flickering on to prepare for the night.
I keep my face plastered to the window, staring out, completely fascinated.
“I can’t believe you have never ventured to New York,” Kyle mutters, watching me.