“Then let me speak to her, and tell her I fucked up.”
“No, you’re going to stay away from her. She doesn’t want you, Spike...she is so angry at you right now. If you care about her at all, you’ll leave her alone.”
“Didn’t wanna fuckin’ hurt her!”
“Well you did, and you hurt me, too.”
“I fucked up,” he barks. “So did you.”
“I didn’t fuck someone else!”
“Fuck, Cheyenne...”
I cover my ears, getting to my feet. My body hurts, and my eyes burn. I reach under my bed and grip my suitcase. I toss my clothes and belongings into it, and I wipe my tears dry. I won’t cry another tear for Danny. Not fucking one.
I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much, my heart can’t handle another moment listening to them argue about me. Like I am just a huge mistake. I can’t watch him choose her, and I can’t sit around pretending like that wouldn’t bother me. It does, and I won’t live a second longer pretending it doesn’t.
I can still hear them arguing outside so I take my things, and I head downstairs. They’re out the back of the house, so they don’t even notice that I’m moving around. They’re too busy arguing. I stop at my parent’s room on the way out and I take their savings in cash, then I take one last, long look at my house before heading out the front door. I get into my car, start it and, swallowing hard, I reverse it out of the driveway. No way in hell will I be anyone’s revenge fuck, and I certainly won’t live as second best.
I need to get out of here.
I just can’t do it anymore.
CHAPTER 13
PRESENT - CIARA
I hear a bellow of pain, and I jerk awake. It takes me a moment to realize where I am, and what’s happening. Spike is beside me, thrashing in the sheets. His body is covered in sweat and he’s arching his back, gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles are white. He cries out again, tossing his head from side to side.
My heart begins to thump, and I feel awful for him. My stomach churns, because I know what he’s dreaming about. I know what he sees in his head every time he closes his eyes. He sees Cheyenne, and he shouldn’t have to see her. He’s living with so much guilt, and it’s slowly destroying him.I gently reach over, touching his shoulder. “Spike, hey, it’s ok.”
He thrashes again, calling out her name. I swallow, and I can’t help it when I begin to cry. God, the poor man. I put my hand on his shoulder once more, shaking a little harder to try and get him to wake up. I know it’s risky; I’m touching a massive man who’s having a nightmare. He could easily swing his fist my way and cause big problems for both of us.
I can’t let him suffer any longer, though; he’s in pain. I shake him again, and he groans, fluttering his eyes open. I can see the moisture in them, and fuck, it hurts my heart. It really hurts. I don’t bother blinking my tears away.
“Hey, you’re okay, it’s okay.”
He stares at the roof for a moment, and then he turns his face to me. I can see he’s confused, but I can also see when reality dawns. He swallows, and his face...it’s broken. He’s broken.
God, what an idiot I’ve been. I never looked at the black and white of the situation. I can see it now, plain and simple. Spike is fucking broken because he witnessed his own wife being shot. That’s it. Plain and simple.
Tears thunder down my cheeks, and I reach across, gripping his face and running my thumb over the one tear that slides down his cheek. For a man like Spike, that might as well be him crying a waterfall.
“Baby,” I rasp. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you lost her.”
He heaves, and turns his face away from me. His body shakes so violently, it worries me, but I let him go. He needs to feel this. He needs to just feel. I place my fingers on his chest, and I can feel his heart hammering under them.
“I’m so sorry, Danny. So sorry I didn’t just see this for what it was. I thought of myself, and I didn’t think enough of you. You lost your wife and your baby. God, I’m so sorry for that.”
He makes a pained sound and sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He puts his head in his hands and his body starts shaking even harder. I put my hand on his back, and I scoot closer. He turns to the side, looking at me, cheeks wet with pain that runs so deep, even I could never imagine it.
I take his head, and I bring it down to my chest and he turns, wrapping his arms around my tiny body, and holding me so tightly I can hardly breathe. I let him. With my arms around his head, I hold him against my heart, letting him get it all out. If that takes all night, I’ll sit here all night.
“Shhh, baby, it’s okay.”
He doesn’t say anything, he just sits there, holding onto me like he never wants to let me go. My legs begin to ache, and his body grows heavier, but I don’t complain. He needs this.
All along, he’s just needed someone. He never had anyone to break to. His best friend was gone, his wife was dead, and he had no family. God, I was such a fucking bitch. I’m a terrible person.
I stroke his thick hair, swallowing back my tears. How selfish I was. I feel him begin to move, and I look down as he lifts his head and looks up at me. He reaches up, gripping my face. I let him. He brings his lips up to mine. I let him. He moves us, so his body is over mine and my back is on the bed. I let him.
Then his lips are on mine, soft, gentle, and sweet as hell. His hands are in my hair, stroking, gently soothing me, even though it’s him who needs to be soothed. I close my eyes, and tears slip heavily down my cheeks. He wipes them away, and he deepens his kiss. I spread my legs, letting him shift between them, and I gently place them on either side of his body. He pushes inside me, his cock hard and full, stretching me. He begins to move, slow, beautiful. More tears fall, because I realize what he’s doing.