Jude the Obsure - Page 176/318

"But--you see, there's the question of neighbours and society--what

will happen if everybody--"

"Oh, I am not going to be a philosopher any longer! I only see

what's under my eyes."

"Well--I don't agree with your instinct, Dick!" said Gillingham

gravely. "I am quite amazed, to tell the truth, that such a sedate,

plodding fellow as you should have entertained such a craze for a

moment. You said when I called that she was puzzling and peculiar:

I think you are!"

"Have you ever stood before a woman whom you know to be intrinsically

a good woman, while she has pleaded for release--been the man she has

knelt to and implored indulgence of?"

"I am thankful to say I haven't."

"Then I don't think you are in a position to give an opinion. I

have been that man, and it makes all the difference in the world, if

one has any manliness or chivalry in him. I had not the remotest

idea--living apart from women as I have done for so many years--that

merely taking a woman to church and putting a ring upon her finger

could by any possibility involve one in such a daily, continuous

tragedy as that now shared by her and me!"

"Well, I could admit some excuse for letting her leave you, provided

she kept to herself. But to go attended by a cavalier--that makes a

difference."

"Not a bit. Suppose, as I believe, she would rather endure her

present misery than be made to promise to keep apart from him?

All that is a question for herself. It is not the same thing at

all as the treachery of living on with a husband and playing him

false... However, she has not distinctly implied living with him

as wife, though I think she means to... And to the best of my

understanding it is not an ignoble, merely animal, feeling between

the two: that is the worst of it; because it makes me think their

affection will be enduring. I did not mean to confess to you that in

the first jealous weeks of my marriage, before I had come to my right

mind, I hid myself in the school one evening when they were together

there, and I heard what they said. I am ashamed of it now, though

I suppose I was only exercising a legal right. I found from their

manner that an extraordinary affinity, or sympathy, entered into

their attachment, which somehow took away all flavour of grossness.

Their supreme desire is to be together--to share each other's

emotions, and fancies, and dreams."