Jude the Obsure - Page 204/318

"Yes, you have been good to me, Jude; I know you have, my dear

protector."

"Well--Arabella has appealed to me for help. I must go out and speak

to her, Sue, at least!"

"I can't say any more!--Oh, if you must, you must!" she said,

bursting out into sobs that seemed to tear her heart. "I have

nobody but you, Jude, and you are deserting me! I didn't know you

were like this--I can't bear it, I can't! If she were yours it

would be different!"

"Or if you were."

"Very well then--if I must I must. Since you will have it so, I

agree! I will be. Only I didn't mean to! And I didn't want to

marry again, either! ... But, yes--I agree, I agree! I do love you.

I ought to have known that you would conquer in the long run, living

like this!"

She ran across and flung her arms round his neck. "I am not a

cold-natured, sexless creature, am I, for keeping you at such a

distance? I am sure you don't think so! Wait and see! I do belong

to you, don't I? I give in!"

"And I'll arrange for our marriage to-morrow, or as soon as ever you

wish."

"Yes, Jude."

"Then I'll let her go," said he, embracing Sue softly. "I do feel

that it would be unfair to you to see her, and perhaps unfair to her.

She is not like you, my darling, and never was: it is only bare

justice to say that. Don't cry any more. There; and there; and

there!" He kissed her on one side, and on the other, and in the

middle, and rebolted the front door.

The next morning it was wet.

"Now, dear," said Jude gaily at breakfast; "as this is Saturday

I mean to call about the banns at once, so as to get the first

publishing done to-morrow, or we shall lose a week. Banns will do?

We shall save a pound or two."

Sue absently agreed to banns. But her mind for the moment was

running on something else. A glow had passed away from her, and

depression sat upon her features.

"I feel I was wickedly selfish last night!" she murmured. "It was

sheer unkindness in me--or worse--to treat Arabella as I did. I

didn't care about her being in trouble, and what she wished to tell

you! Perhaps it was really something she was justified in telling

you. That's some more of my badness, I suppose! Love has its own

dark morality when rivalry enters in--at least, mine has, if other

people's hasn't... I wonder how she got on? I hope she reached the

inn all right, poor woman."