Jude the Obsure - Page 309/318

"When we were at Shaston I jumped out of the window rather than that

you should come near me. I have never reversed that treatment till

now--when I have come to beg your pardon for it, and ask you to let

me in."

"Perhaps you only think you ought to do this? I don't wish you to

come against your impulses, as I have said."

"But I beg to be admitted." She waited a moment, and repeated,

"I beg to be admitted! I have been in error--even to-day. I have

exceeded my rights. I did not mean to tell you, but perhaps I ought.

I sinned against you this afternoon."

"How?"

"I met Jude! I didn't know he was coming. And--"

"Well?"

"I kissed him, and let him kiss me."

"Oh--the old story!"

"Richard, I didn't know we were going to kiss each other till we

did!"

"How many times?"

"A good many. I don't know. I am horrified to look back on it, and

the least I can do after it is to come to you like this."

"Come--this is pretty bad, after what I've done! Anything else to

confess?"

"No." She had been intending to say: "I called him my darling love."

But, as a contrite woman always keeps back a little, that portion of

the scene remained untold. She went on: "I am never going to see him

any more. He spoke of some things of the past: and it overcame me.

He spoke of--the children. But, as I have said, I am glad--almost

glad I mean--that they are dead, Richard. It blots out all that life

of mine!"

"Well--about not seeing him again any more. Come--you really mean

this?" There was something in Phillotson's tone now which seemed to

show that his three months of remarriage with Sue had somehow not

been so satisfactory as his magnanimity or amative patience had

anticipated.

"Yes, yes!"

"Perhaps you'll swear it on the New Testament?"

"I will."

He went back to the room and brought out a little brown Testament.

"Now then: So help you God!"

She swore.

"Very good!"

"Now I supplicate you, Richard, to whom I belong, and whom I wish to

honour and obey, as I vowed, to let me in."

"Think it over well. You know what it means. Having you back in the

house was one thing--this another. So think again."