He sits down next to my pouting self and whispers, “You’re cute when you’re in a bad mood.”
“Hmph.”
“This is really fun.”
“Really?” I raise an eyebrow at him. “We’re just hanging out in a basement. I figured you’d think this was boring.”
Jesse looks at Xander and Dave battling on DDR. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time.”
Dave screams “Nooo!” when he loses to Xander, then perches on the armrest and speaks low to me, “Do you care if I go up to my room with Xander?”
I don’t mind if they want to make out. “Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
“Yell if you hear my parents’ car, okay?” he says, and they disappear up the stairs.
“So, are they serious?” Jesse asks.
“They just started seeing each other a few weeks ago, but it seems to be going well, even though Xander’s a freshman at MTSU, and that makes Dave kind of nervous because they don’t see each other at school every day,” I ramble.
We sit in silence, picking at the M&Ms until he speaks up again. “I’m glad we went out tonight. I was worried you’d say no.”
“I nearly did.” I lean my head against his shoulder, but he stands and leaves me sitting alone on the couch.
Which doesn’t make any sense. The first thing he said to me on shadow day was “Wanna have sex?” and now he doesn’t want to hold my hand?
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He leans against the staircase railing, crossing his arms. “I haven’t dated anybody in a while, you know?”
“I haven’t either. Not for real, anyway.”
“I need time,” he says quietly. “Just to make sure.”
“Sure of what?”
He points back and forth between us. What does that mean? He wants to be sure of me? Of dating in general? What if he leaves me standing alone in the dark night again?
“Jess, why did you come back?”
A tiny smile starts on his face. “Everywhere I went, I kept thinking of you. I’d put on my spurs for a show and remember how you said they’re ugly. I’d drive past a playground and want to swing with you. I went to the listening room at the Underground to write, and when I closed my eyes and tried to think of words, all I could see was your face.”
I suck in a breath. “Those are the most beautiful lyrics I’ve ever heard.”
He laughs. “They’re nowhere near as good as ‘I’m a swatch of quilt and I want to be sewn into your heart.”
I scowl, then pause for a long moment to think. “You aren’t going to get my hopes up and leave again, right?”
He chews on his lower lip, his eyes never leaving mine. “I don’t want to. That’s why I need to take things slow.” He drags a hand through his hair. “I’m goin’ out of town for ten days. I’m on Saturday Night Live, and then I’ve got some appearances on the talk shows and photo shoots to do before I start my last tour. Can we go out again when I get back?”
I nod, pulling a couch pillow to my chest. The situation doesn’t make me feel comfortable, but if this is what he needs, then I should support him. But it’s a lot of trust to place in him. I trusted Nate, and he let me down. I survived it.
But I don’t think my heart will survive being broken by Jesse.
He finally breaks the silence. “Want to play another game of Guitar Hero?”
I hop to my feet. “You’re so going down this time, Jesse Scott.”
• • •
On Halloween, Dave follows me home from school because he says he needs girl talk.
“I’m just not sure what to do about him,” Dave says, letting the screen door slam behind us. We go to the kitchen in search of snacks.
“You like him, right?” I pull a box of crackers out of the cabinet.
“I like Xander more than anybody I’ve ever met.”
“And he likes you too. He can’t keep his hands off you, bud.”
“I’ve never felt like this before…and he wants more. Like, he wants to have sex.”
I squeal and get excited. “And?”
Dave’s face heats from pink to a dark maroon. “He doesn’t think it’s a big deal. To him, it’s something that just happens when people are dating. And I kind of get that, but I don’t know whether it will be a big deal for me or not. It feels like a big deal…like, I hate to bring it up, but it sucks what happened with you and Nate.”