He to whom
I gave my heart with all its wealth of love,
Forsakes me for another.--MEDEA.
"Oh my heart! my heart!" moaned Sybil, as she sank down upon the floor
of that spare-room, the door of which she had bolted, to secure herself
from intrusion.
"Oh, my heart! my heart!" she wailed, pressing her hand to her side like
one who had just received a mortal wound.
"Oh, my heart! my heart!" she groaned, as one who complains of an
insupportable agony. And for some moments she could do no more than
this. Then at length the stream of utterance flowed forth, and-"He loves me no longer! my husband loves me no longer!" she cried in
more than the bitterness of death. "He loves that false siren in place
of me, his true wife. He gives her all the tender words, all the warm
caresses he used to lavish on me. His heart is won from me. I am
desolate! I am desolate, and I shall die! I shall die! But oh, how much
I must suffer before I can die, for I am so strong to suffer! Ah, how I
wish I might die at once, or that suicide were no sin!"
But suddenly, out of this deep abasement of grief, blazed up a fierce
and fiery anger. She started from her recumbent position, and began to
walk wildly up and down the floor, beating her hands together, and
exclaiming distractedly: "But why should I die in my youth, and go down to the dark grave, to
make room for her, the traitress! to make room in the heart of my
husband and the home of my fathers for her, the--! Oh! there is no word
bad enough to express what she is! And shall she live to bloom and
smile and brighten in the sunshine of his love, while I moulder away in
the earth? Oh!" she cried, striking her hands violently together, "there
is madness and more than madness in the thought! I will not die alone;
no, no, no, no, so help me, just Heaven! I will not die alone. Oh,
Samson was a brave man as well as a strong one when he lifted the
pillars of the temple, and willingly fell beneath its crumbling ruins,
crushing all his foes. I will be another sort of Samson; and when I
fall, I too will pull down destruction upon the heads of all who have
wronged me!"
These and many more wild and wicked words she uttered as she walked
fiercely up and down the room, her eyes blazing, her cheeks burning, her
whole aspect full of frenzy.
At length, again her mood changed; the fire died out of her eyes, the
color faded from her cheeks; her frenzy subsided, and gave place to a
stillness more awful than any excitement could possibly be. She sank
down upon a low ottoman, and rested her elbows upon her knees and her
chin upon the palms of her hands, and gazed straight before her into
vacancy. Her face was deadly pale; her lips bloodless and compressed;
her eyes contracted and glittering with a cold, black, baleful light;
her hair unloosed in her agitation, streamed down each side, and fell
upon her bosom like the ends of a long black scarf. At times she
muttered to herself like any maniac: "And oh, how deeply deceitful they have both been with me, affecting a
mutual indifference while I was by; falling to caressing each other just
as soon as my back was turned! She--she only acted out her false and
treacherous nature. But he--oh, he! in whose pure truth I had such
pride. Ah, Heaven! how low she must have drawn him before he could have
gained his own consent to deceive me so! before he could come fresh from
her side and her caresses, and meet and embrace me! What stupendous
duplicity! Well, well!" she continued, nodding grimly; "well, well,
since deceit is the fashion of the day, I too will be in the fashion; I
too will wear a mask of smiles! But behind that mask I will watch!--Oh,
how I will watch! Not at my fancy-ball alone will I play a part, but
before it, and perhaps, after it! None shall ever know how I watch,
what I see, until I descend with the fell swoop of the eagle. And
henceforth let me remember that I am a daughter of the house of Berners,
who never failed a friend or spared a foe. And oh, let the spirit of my
fathers support me, for I must ENDURE until I can AVENGE!" she said, as
she got up with a grim calmness and paced up and down the floor to
recover full self-command.