An Arameri woman, whispered a little, ugly voice in the back of my mind.
Naha had moved to embrace Scimina from behind, the picture of an amorous lover. Scimina absently stroked his arms while he gazed murder at the back of her head.
Dont feel bad, Cousin, Scimina said. It wouldnt have mattered what you did, really. Some people wouldve always hated you, simply because you dont fit their image of a ruler. Its a shame you didnt take anything after Kinneth, other than those eyes of yours. She closed her eyes, leaning back against Nahas body, the picture of contentment. Of course the fact that you are Darre doesnt help. You went through their warrior initiation, yes? Since your mother wasnt Darre, who sponsored you?
My grandmother, I answered quietly. It did not surprise me that Scimina knew that much of the Darres customs. Anyone could learn that by opening a book.
Scimina sighed and glanced back at Naha. To my surprise, he did not change his expression, and to my greater surprise, she smiled at the pure hate in his eyes.
Do you know what happens in the Darre ceremony? she asked him conversationally. They were quite the warriors once, and matriarchal. We forced them to stop conquering their neighbors and treating their men like chattel, but like most of these darkling races, they cling to their little traditions in secret.
I know what they once did, Naha said. Capture a youth of an enemy tribe, circumcise him, nurse him back to health, then use him for pleasure.
I had schooled my face to blankness. Scimina laughed at this, lifting a lock of Nahas hair to her lips while she watched me.
Things have changed, she said. Now the Darre arent permitted to kidnap and mutilate their boys. Now a girl just survives alone in the forest for a month, and then comes home to be deflowered by some man her sponsor has chosen. Still barbaric, and something we stop whenever we hear about it, but it happens, especially among the women of their upper class. And the part they think theyve hidden from us is this: the girl must either defeat him in public combat and therefore control the encounter, or be defeatedand learn how it feels to submit to an enemy.
I would like that, Naha whispered. Scimina laughed again, slapping his arm playfully.
How predictable. Be silent now. Her eyes slid to me, sidelong. The ritual seems the same in principle, does it not? But so much has changed. Now Darre men no longer fear womenor respect them.
It was a statement, not a question; I knew better than to answer.
Really, when you consider it, the earlier ritual was the more civilized. That ritual taught a young warrior not only how to survive but also how to respect an enemy, how to nurture. Many girls later married their captives, didnt they? So they even learned to love. The ritual now well, what does it teach you? I cannot help but wonder.
* * *
It taught me to do whatever was necessary to get what I wanted, you evil bitch.
* * *
I did not answer, and after a moment Scimina sighed.
So, she said, there are new alliances being formed on Darrs borders, meant to counter Darrs perceived new strength. Since Darr in fact has no new strength, that means the entire region is becoming unstable. Hard to say what will happen under circumstances like that.
My fingers itched for a sharpened stone. Is that a threat?
Please, Cousin. Im merely passing the information along. We Arameri must look out for one another.
I appreciate your concern. I turned to leave, before my temper slipped any further. But this time it was Nahas voice that stopped me.
Did you win? he asked. At your warrior initiation? Did you beat your opponent, or did he rape you in front of a crowd of spectators?
I knew better than to answer. I really did. But I answered anyway.
I won, I said, after a fashion.
Oh?
If I closed my eyes, I would see it. Six years had passed since that night, but the smell of the fire, of old furs and blood, of my own reek after a month living rough, was still vivid in my mind.
Most sponsors choose a man who is a poor warrior, I said softly. Easy for a girl barely out of childhood to defeat. But I was to be ennu, and there were doubts about me because I was half Amn. Half Arameri. So my grandmother chose the strongest of our male warriors instead.
I had not been expected to win. Endurance would have been sufficient to be marked as a warrior; as Scimina had guessed, many things had changed for us. But endurance was not sufficient to be ennu. No one would follow me if I let some man use me in public and then crow about it all over town. I needed to win.
He defeated you, Naha said. He breathed the words, hungry for my pain.
I looked at him, and he blinked. I wonder what he saw in my eyes in that moment.
I put on a good show, I said. Enough to satisfy the requirements of the ritual. Then I stabbed him in the head with a stone knife I had hidden in my sleeve.