She barely spun in time to vomit outside the wardrobe. Stomach heaving, Deidre dropped to her knees once more and held her midsection, tears rising with the reality of what she'd done. She threw up the blood she'd just sucked down, her stomach cramping for Darkyn.
Karma approached quietly. Deidre ignored her, struggling with her own inner agony, until the urge to purge receded.
"I've never … I can't …"
"I understands, remember?" Karma said. "She … I can feel what you do."
Deidre nodded, somewhat relieved not to have to voice her tangled feelings out loud.
Karma crouched beside her, peering into her eyes. The deity's hair was in tight curls once more, her eyes faded green. "Karma is proud of you." She pushed hair out of Deidre's face.
"I'm not … sure what to … feel."
"Happy to be alive. Happy that Karma is alive. Happy to know you never have to be hurt again."
Deidre drew a shaky breath. "Okay. Are you docking me Karma points for this?"
"Karma has points?" The goddess smiled, puzzled.
Deidre shook her head. "It's, um, a saying. I guess I want to know if it's okay that I killed four people."
"You saved Karma the effort of doing it."
"That's not exactly what I meant." Deidre debated silently for a moment. She had proven to herself that she was no longer the victim. But at what cost? "Am I a bad person now?"
"No." The resolute response was quick, firm.
Deidre studied Karma, not entirely reassured that the woman who had just killed ten men was the best judge of character.
Then again, she's Karma. She'd know if I crossed the line. Except Deidre didn't know how slashing someone's throat open was not crossing the line.
"Could you be biased since I did it to save your life?" Deidre asked doubtfully.
"I am not biased!"
Deidre straightened and managed a wan smile. "You said it right first try."
"We are both learning today." Karma appeared pleased with herself.
Deidre wiped her mouth on her sleeve, stomach steadied.
"You do not act with malice," the deity added gently. "Karma has no problem with those who act justly."
Deidre sighed, uncertain why hearing the words meant so much. "I guess I'm afraid of turning into the devil or losing me."
"Trust yourself. It's not possible for you to be anyone but who you are, even if you are half a demon," Karma said wisely. "Karma can see your soul from the inside out, remember? It is pure, even now."
"Darkyn said the same."
"Dark One." Karma growled, the way she did whenever talking about the Great Imbalance. Her eyes flashed black.