I shook my head.
He poured himself one and tossed it back.
"You all right?" I asked.
"I am … new to this."
"To what? Being married?"
His eyes went to the bed in a silent response.
"Wait. You're a virgin?" I asked, astonished.
Red crept up his face. "Not a virgin. No honorable woman will consider someone raised by savages. I've visited the soiled doves once a year on my birthday and …" He drifted off and cleared his throat.
My unease vanished, and I tempered the urge to tease him. He had been uncomfortable but dutiful all evening long. The sight of the uncertainty dogging an otherwise confident man touched me. "I got you covered." I grinned and went to the hearth.
He frowned but joined me. "Where you're from … you're … "
I glanced at him. Every once in a while, he said something that reminded me he knew more about me than I did him. I wasn't always certain what to think about that. "Where I come from, men and women both try on relationships before they're married. It's like pretending to be married to see if it works."
"Does it work?"
"Not usually."
His brow furrowed.
"I'm not a virgin, if that's what you're asking," I supplied. "Have a seat. We can talk."
He left the tumbler on the tray and sat beside me the way he had last night. Apprehension and desire eddied and spun through me. We gazed at each other. I found myself fiddling with the ties of my housecoat, as if it were my first night. I stilled my hands.
"I've never touched a woman meant to be mine," he said softly.
The way he said it robbed me of any shred of amusement I had at being thrown back in time with a near virgin. To him, this wasn't pretending or temporary. It wasn't going to be another one-night stand for me, not when it was real to him. I didn't want to hurt him when I left.
I also didn't understand how he could know I didn't belong here - and still believed this arrangement to be real.
"We don't have to do anything," I said. "You don't seem comfortable."
"I want to. I don't know where to start," he admitted. "I've been alone here for so long. I'm not sure what to think about all this." He motioned to the room. "I've never had nothing, Josie, and now I have everything." There was a familiar glow in his gaze, one that reminded me too much of the look John gave me often and stirred my guilt.
I hate lying to good people.