There was something about Carter … something that made me want to place my faith in him blindly.
I can't trust you if you keep lying to me, I responded.
At least he was waiting for my texts today. His answer was fast.
"I didn't know how else to get you on board with what I'm doing," I whispered his response aloud. "I'm sorry. Truth from here on out."
Even if I believed him, did it matter if he told me the truth now? He had trapped me in the past, where I'd made a series of decisions based on temporary circumstances. Like marrying Taylor. It was probably the smartest choice given the alternative, but when he realized I wasn't ready to love anyone …
Or maybe it didn't matter. The role of a woman in this time period was restricted enough that I needed either a husband like Taylor or a father like John.
Overwhelmed once more, I hid the phone under my housecoat. Nell was shuffling around in the bedroom. I was kind of grateful for her sorrow; it kept her from hanging around and nagging the way she usually did.
The scent of ham and fresh bread reached me. Without waiting for my nanny, I climbed out of the tub, dried off and put on my housecoat, determined to enjoy breakfast before being strapped into another girdle.
I ate everything. My appetite was gone, trapped somewhere in the darkness I went through last night, and anxiety driving me to eat. Finishing the food, I stared into space. My thoughts were leaden, murky.
"You will want to visit your father's grave this morning, I believe?" Nell still wore black. Her eyes were red rimmed and her features pale.
Graveyard. The unhappy spirit whose whispers disturbed me at John's funerals might reveal what happened to the first woman sent back in time.
Did I want to solve this mystery anymore?
Yes. I wasn't sure why, but I needed to know. I was in danger, and I couldn't take it as lightly as I had before. There was no easy way out of here.
"Yes," I replied. "I think I do."
Nell strapped me into my black gown once more. Usually I barely tolerated the ordeal, but I bore through it in silence this time, aware that I needed to get used to it.
"I'd like to go alone, Nell," I told her gently.
"Yes, Miss, I thought you might." Nell's faint smile was watery.
I felt bad for her. If nothing else, Taylor being here instead of Philip meant she'd live out the rest of her life comfortably. There also might be peace on this little piece of the frontier with him working to bridge the locals and natives.