The Black God - Page 74/187

"Why do you care if I'm attacking the vamps who betrayed you?" she snapped and strained to move away.

"Because you don't understand who you're fucking with. You'll get yourself and Brandon hurt."

"Oh, so you're concerned about me now?" she snarled. This time when she tried to move away, she succeeded. Ashley put several feet between them.

"I know why you're doing this," he replied. "I know I hurt you four years ago and you think you're punishing me by lashing out at my vamps. But the only person who's going to get hurt is you."

"You have no idea, Jonny."

"Let me guess. Doing this makes you feel better for a day or two. And then it wears off and you're left lost once more and stuck with all that anger about not being able to change what happened or go back to the world you thought you knew."

She eyed him, wondering if he had been reading her thoughts.

"I get it, Ash, I do. You're not the only one whose life changed a few years ago."

She remained quiet.

"Look, if you want me to apologize, I will," he added. "If that will stop you from this insanity, then I'll tell you how sorry I am for putting your family in danger."

"I don't want an apology," she said.

"Then what do you want from me? You know you can't kill me."

She debated what to say. Jonny was making an effort tonight, and she sensed it was because he didn't know how else to handle her continued defiance. "I want to know if it was real. If you ever really did care or if you were just using me."

"You're serious." He frowned. "This isn't about me hurting you. This is about … what? Me lying to you?"

"Betrayal is more accurate. And you did hurt me." She folded her arms across her chest, not dressed for an evening at the beach.

He studied her, thoughtful and intense, as if he were puzzling through something. "You don't hate me, do you?" he asked softly at last.

"Oh, I do," she said. "I didn't four years ago but I definitely do now."

He nodded, though she suspected he wasn't buying it. "You started out as a tool for me to use to get what I wanted from Jessi. Along the way, I started to like you for you instead of as someone I could use. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't love, if that's what you're wondering. It was probably more like … pity. I knew you had Xander to protect you, so I wasn't worried about you recovering from a schoolgirl crush."