But this is my home now.
"Goddess!"
I wrenched awake. Ghoajin was leaning over me and sat back in satisfaction when she saw my eyes open. Suvdin and a couple other women in Ghoajin's entourage were present. I gazed at them briefly and tried to right my thoughts as I sat up.
I'm endangering everyone around me. I hated the feeling. It made me want to weep, reminded me I was meant to remain on the outside looking in wherever I was. Swallowing the emotion, I accepted a goblet of milk and focused on breathing steadily.
"Are you well, Moonbeam?" Suvdin asked, dark eyes searching my features.
"Yes, thank you." I offered a weak smile. "I think I need to lie down at home, though."
"I have sent for Batu," Ghoajin said. "He can escort you home."
Panic swirled within me. I needed some me-time before confronting him to sift through what The Persian had said, to be able to think straight. "I should go now." I hurried to my feet. "Excuse me, please."
Without waiting for them to respond, I fled. Tearing out of Ghoajin's ger, I raced through the tents towards mine, no longer caring about the biting chill or the peculiar looks I received.
I didn't stop running or feel safe until I was in the familiar tent that smelled of Batu. Only then did the frantic fear begin to subside and my reeling mind begin to process everything I'd heard.
Sitting by the fire, I wrapped myself in a blanket and stared into it, raw and numb, betrayed and desperate for what The Persian said not to be true. I didn't notice the passage of time or the disappearance of light as night fell. I didn't notice anything, just sat and stared.
And wished I'd never met Carter.
"Moonbeam!" Batu's voice was concerned as he strode into the tent. "We were hunting. I returned as soon as …"
I looked up at him, and he stopped. Wiping my face, I moved stiffly for the first time in hours and wrapped my arms around my knees.
"What is it?" he asked as he removed his outerwear and weapons. "Are you ill?"
"No." I had spent all day thinking about what to say and still couldn't figure out a good opening line. Gazing at my husband, the man I wanted to spend my life with, all I could think about was that I was about to lose him in one way or another. "Do you love me, Batu?"
"Yes, Moonbeam." He sat beside me. "More than the moon or sky or grass."
I believed him. Even The Persian had claimed it to be true. "I need to ask you something."