Crossing the Mirage:Passing Through Youth - Page 51/134

“Who's she?”

“She's my betrothed,” he said nonchalantly.

“What!” she exclaimed, unable to believe her ears.

“We were engaged shortly before I met you.”

“What do you mean?” she nearly fainted.

“Don't get upset,” he said, trying to comfort her, “listen to me fully.”

“How could you do this to me?”

“Oh, please listen,” he tried to appease her, “I'll explain everything.”

“What else can I do now?” she sounded helpless. “After all, haven‟t I compromised myself?”

“Don‟t get depressed,” he said trying to sound genuine. “I would never swap her for you. I wouldn't do that even with a Helen for sure. Just try to understand my situation.”

“I'm confused really.”

“Don't be impatient,” he said. “We'll sort out things.”

“You should've had me,” she blurted out, “only after sorting out things.”

“Well, I'll explain.”

“Does it make any difference to me now?” she said, wearily.

“When I became a probationary officer, Prema was proposed to me,” he said, weighing his words as though he was a tutored witness in the court. “It was a dream match, whichever way one may look at it. We got engaged before I came here for the training. How could I have known that you‟d come into my life? The moment I saw you, I was lost in love. The day I was sure of your love, I wrote to my father to cancel the engagement.”

“What did he say?” she couldn't help inquiring.

“He said it would put him in a spot,” he paused as though to let her prepare for the blow to follow. “He said he used the dowry he took to clear the debts. If I go back now, he will be obliged to return the amount and that would push us back into the debt trap all again. What's worse, it would jeopardize our position in the biradari. So he pleaded that he be spared all this in his old age. Can't you understand my predicament? I've a balancing act to do now and you can see how hard it is on me as well.”

“If anything, it's harder on me, especially with your child in my womb. Its time you realize that,” she said spiritedly. “Well, I see a way out. Let's take a loan to return the dowry. I'll take up a job and help you tighten our belts as well. It's only a matter of time before we come out clean.”

“I don't think it's not workable,” he said sounding sentimental. “Besides making me feel like a drag on your life that would only bring me back to square one. Didn't I tell you I always felt deprived, being born poor? Being a Class One Officer, I still feel insecure. While our tightened belts would only reinforce my deprived feeling, the debt trap could make me feel all the more insecure. Moreover, when the novelty wears off, I may even perceive you as the cause of my discomfiture. What's worse, our marriage itself could be on the rocks due to domestic discords.”