“What’s not a kiss kiss?”
“It was a kiss that shouldn’t have happened.”
“Like ours shouldn’t happen?” He eyed me speculatively, his hands interlacing behind his neck.
It shouldn’t?
“No, because we were two friends who shouldn’t have kissed, and I didn’t like him ... like that.” I swallowed. I sounded so young.
“But you like me like that? Or is it just because of who I am?”
“No! I don’t know,” I said, honestly. Oops. I looked down avoiding his eyes.
“Well.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw him drop back against the wall, and his hands came up and grabbed two tufts of his unruly hair. “At least you’re honest.” He sounded flat.
“Look, I don’t mean that. I just mean ... ” How did I explain this without making it seem like I had no self-esteem? He was so God dammed beautiful, and I was just me. I couldn’t, so why worry about it. I opened my mouth to say just that but he cut me off.
“Who was it?”
“Who was what?”
“Your first and only kiss?”
“Oh, um, Jasper McDaniel. He’s just—”
“The Pastor’s son.”
“How do you know that?” I looked at him, curiously.
“I overheard the Pastor and your friend at the grill the other night.” He scowled. “Was he the one who was here on Sunday?”
“Yes, and he’s just a friend. Which reminds me of the rest of my list. You aren’t available, so whether or not I want to kiss you is a moot point. We are just friends.”
Jack snorted.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He shook his head. “So, stop me if I am being too personal but—”
“You’re being too personal.” I smirked. Oh yes, thank God. Feisty Keri Ann was back.
“So you had one kiss. I’m presuming you haven’t ever ... ” He caught my eyes and held them. My face flamed. “Made love?”
Oh, God. Why did he say it like that? Like he was thinking it, imagining it, right as he was saying it.
Liquid heat pooled low in my belly.
“Didn’t I say you were being too personal?” I croaked.
“Yeah, but you didn’t stop me. I said, ‘Stop me.’” He looked altogether too smug and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
I had to gain the upper hand here, even though my heart was pounding in my throat. “So what did you mean when you said there was an obvious and smart reason to stop you?”
“How did I know you weren’t going to let that go?”
I shrugged.
“Well,” he went on, “why don’t you finish your list first.”
“You have a girlfriend—”
“Had.”
Okaaaay. Had. That was interesting. “Until you forgive her and get back together?”
He nodded.
I just stared at him.
“Did you just nod?” I asked, incredulously. The guy had almost kissed me and was now admitting he was planning on getting back together with his ex. My stomach rolled. Poor dumb southern hick girl falls for self-proclaimed asshole, willingly. It wasn’t like I didn’t already have an inkling he could be that shallow, I mean the guy was an actor. He pretended to feel things for a living. God, I was so out of my depth.
“Yeah, but that’s because it’s in my contract. We have to stay together. I don’t expect you to understand that.”
If it was possible, I felt sicker. “You’re right, I don’t. I mean I do understand the concept, I just don’t understand anyone agreeing to something like that.” This was good. He was an empty vessel—a shallow, self-absorbed actor who would prostitute his love life for the sake of being famous. I could definitely get over someone like this. Wow, his relationship with Audrey Lane was based on a contract? Millions of fans had been duped.
“You look pretty disgusted right now.”
“I am a bit.” Not enough. Ugh.
“You don’t pull any punches, huh?” His fingers slid into his pockets.
“Not really.”
He crossed his ankles, like he was settling in for a while. “Any more reasons?”
“Do we need them now? I mean it’s purely theoretical at this point. It’s never going to happen.”
He sighed, let his head fall back again, and closed his eyes.
“So ... what did you mean it was smart?” I asked, since we were being so honest and all.
“That was it. I’m in a contract. At least until after the movie finishes it’s run in theaters. Globally. Or Peak Entertainment stops caring so much about it. Us. Me.”
We both stood in silence a few minutes, each with our backs against opposite walls. I catalogued his face. His hair was a little shaggy like he was overdue for a cut, his long black eyelashes rested on his cheeks as he closed his eyes again. His beautiful mouth, the one I had missed my chance at tasting, pursed slightly as he worried his lips between his teeth.
“Did I mess this up?” he asked eventually, looking back at me.
“Which part?”
He nodded. “Good point. I meant the part where we happily coexist in a mutually beneficial grocery-buying for handy-man services relationship, as bizarre as that is.”
“It is bizarre, isn’t it?” I grinned. And for some reason I just started giggling and then couldn’t stop. I laughed so hard my eyes welled up and my sides hurt. Call it a release of tension or a complete free-fall into dorkdom. I probably snorted at some point. I’m sure it was a highlight. Either way, it ended up with Jack chuckling along at my laughter and shaking his head in bewilderment.
“Geez, Keri Ann. I don’t think I have ever met anyone with a range of emotions like yours. And I’m an actor, so that’s saying something.”
Feeling suddenly awkward, my laugh trailed off. I knew what I looked like in the midst of a giggle-fest—there was a picture Nana had taken of Jazz and me, the summer right before my parents died. I don’t even remember what we were laughing at, but I remember my nostrils flared and my cheeks were splotchy. I always thought I looked like a horse in that picture. Wiping at my eyes self-consciously, I attempted to pull myself together.
“It’s amazing,” said Jack, shaking his head and looking at me.
“What’s amazing?”
“It’s amazing,” he repeated, “that you seem to have no idea how fucking beautiful you are.”
Instantly sober from my laughing episode, I stood dead still staring at Jack.
He just looked right back at me, arms folded, as if challenging me to contradict him.
I was speechless, otherwise I would have. Man, this guy was good.
“It’s late. I should get going,” he finally said.
I nodded dumbly.
“You working tomorrow?”
I shook my head.
He pushed forward off his side of the hallway and stepped toward me. If it was possible, he suddenly looked predatory.
Pressing my back further against the cool wall at his approach, I held my breath as he planted his palms flat against the wall behind me, his body hovering a scant inch from mine and his head ducking straight down to my neck.