The Fighting Shepherdess - Page 101/231

She stood motionless thinking of it, the snow beating into her upturned face, the wind whipping her skirts about her. Then a feeling of exultation came to her--an exultation that was of the mind and spirit, so tangible that it sent over her a glow that was physical, creeping like a slow warm tide from her toes to the tips of her numb fingers. Even as she marveled it vanished--a curious trick of the imagination she regarded it--but it left her with a feeling of courage; inexplicably it had roused her will to a determination to fight for her life with the last ounce of her strength, and so long as there was a heart beat in her body.

The time came, however, when this moment of transport and resolution seemed so long ago that it was like some misty incident of her childhood. Her body, as when a jaded horse lashed to a gallop reaches a stage where it drops to a walk from which no amount of punishment can rouse it, was refusing to respond to the spur of her will. It became an effort to walk, to swing her arms and stamp her feet, to make any brisk movement that kept the circulation going. She knew what it portended, yet was unable to make greater resistance against the lethargy of cold and exhaustion.

The dog was still with her, close at her heels, and she pulled off her gauntlets clumsily, the act requiring a tremendous effort of will, and tried to warm her fingers in the long hair of its body; but she felt no sensation of heat and she replaced the gloves with the same effort.

The second night was full upon her now--a night so black that she could feel the storm, but not see it. At intervals she experienced a sense of detachment--as if she were a disembodied spirit, lonely, buffeted in a white hell of torture.

Usually the faint tinkle of a sheep bell recalled her, but each time the sound had less meaning for her, and the sheep seemed less and less important. She was staggering, her knees had an absurd fashion of giving way beneath her, but she could not prevent them. She was approaching the end of her endurance; she could not resist much longer--this her dull rambling brain told her over and over. And that curious phenomenon--that feeling of confidence and exultation that she had had away back--when was it? Long ago, anyhow--that had meant nothing--nothing--meant nothing. The Supreme Intelligence who had made things didn't know she existed, probably. Her coming was nothing; her going was nothing. And now she was stepping off of something--she was going down hill--down hill--the first gulch she had found in her wanderings. It was full of drifts, likely she'd stumble in one and lie there--it was tiresome to keep going, and it made no difference to anybody. Then she stumbled and fell to the bottom, prone, her arms outstretched, the briars of a wild-rose bush tearing her cheek as she lay face downward in the center of it. But she did not know it--she was comfortable, very comfortable, and she could as well lie there a little while--a little while-Then somewhere a querulous voice was saying: "I told you the picture would be overexposed when you were takin' it. You'll never listen to me."