“She threw all her stuff away,” he said, shaking his head as if he still didn’t believe it. “The way she was acting was so scary I screamed at her to stop, and you were crying at all the commotion. Before I knew it, she had set the whole lot on fire. The neighbors called the fire department. It was awful.”
I sat in stunned silence. Tears streaked my cheeks. I felt the cool sting of the salt in the breeze.
We’d both stopped paddling again.
Joey was far away in his mind, his eyes glazed as he remembered. “Dad came home a few hours later celebrating. He’d just ‘closed’ the deal or whatever. He didn’t even know anything had changed or that anything happened that day. It all just went on business as usual. But everything was different. God, she was so different. She wasn’t sad so much as she was just … nothing. I hated it. It was awful. And I hated that Dad never even noticed. I don’t even know if they ever discussed it, the fact that she wasn’t looking for work anymore. That she never danced again.” He took a deep breath. “I look at you, and you remind me of Mom so much. The mom I remember when I was younger. You are creative and honest and good and beautiful, and if it is at all within my power to save you from a situation like that, where you’ll give yourself up for someone else, then by God, I have to try.”
He looked at me, his normally blue eyes dark in our current black and white world. But they glittered unshed tears. He let go of his tightly-held paddle with one hand and clenched and unclenched a fist.
I reached for his hand and held it in mine. My heart felt like it was breaking. I’d never known. I was thankful not to have experienced her pain so keenly, but immeasurably more sad I had no memory of it at all. I had no images of the magical and dancing mom Joey so obviously remembered in his mind.
“Please think, Keri Ann. I said it from the beginning, since I saw you together in Savannah, and God, tonight even, you guys have a kind of intensity that is insane. I’m not saying you’re not grown up and can’t handle it, but you know what I mean.”
I nodded. “I do, Joey. I have all the same concerns as you do. I understand everything you’re saying. I’m not going into this blindly. And I don’t know how we’re going to figure out being together and keeping it private. Or how I am going to be my own person and not be sucked into his vortex. I have no idea what the future will bring, and I’m shit scared that I’m going to make the biggest fool of myself.”
Joey cringed.
“But no one can plan their life like that. You can’t plan it for me, you can’t protect me from hurt … and I don’t want you to.”
His shoulders slumped. “I know.”
I thought of him and Jazz, but I knew he wasn’t ready for me to draw the parallel. Perhaps he was scared she was it, and she’d hold him back. Or that she’d give up her plans to be with him, and he wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt. “And you shouldn’t hold yourself to that either,” was all I said.
“So it really doesn’t matter what I say, does it? I just want to protect you. I swear if he hurts you, he’ll regret it.”
Squeezing Joey’s hand, I tried a smile.
“And he’s Jack Eversea, for God’s sake,” Joey added, incredulously. “I mean, seriously?”
I managed a small laugh. “I’m so sorry about Mom, Joey. I don’t remember.” My eyes welled again. “I never remember her dancing. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. And that she went through that.” I swallowed in an attempt to keep my voice from disappearing. “And that I never got to see her dance. She must have been beautiful.”
“Yeah, she was,” he said quietly. “And look, I didn’t mean to say I’d respect you less if you and Jack got together. I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”
“Yeah, well, me too. And I forgive you, even though you ruined the shit out of what could have been an amazing night paddle.”
Joey chuckled. “C’mon, let’s head back.”
We drew our kayaks through the water silently except for the sounds of our breathing and the water trickling off the paddles. I kept my ears strained for the sound of a puff of air signaling a dolphin nearby.
As we got to the dock, all I heard was the low buzz of my phone where I’d left it with my sweater. I waited until we were on the way home, my head resting against the window frame, drawing the last bit of spring air for the night, before I read it.
Late Night Visitor: Take the day off tomorrow? I have plans for us …
As soon as I woke up, I texted Brenda. I was only working the lunch shift today. Confirming she could cover me, and get some other help in, I called Paulie.
“You’ve never officially asked for the day off,” he said gruffly. “Anything important?”
“I have no idea.”
Then I texted Jack.
Me: What are we doing?
Late Night Visitor: Dev and I will pick you up in 45. Bring a swimsuit in case. Do your brother or Jazz want to come?
The surge of disappointment that I’d be sharing Jack with Devon, and also that he wanted to invite as many people as possible was so strong, I almost laughed at myself. Swimsuit?
Me: I’ll check … again, what are we doing?
Late Night Visitor: Location scouting and looking for horses (don’t ask).
Looking for horses … in a swimsuit. Right. I’d just started to text Jazz when another message from Jack popped up.
Late Night Visitor: Don’t worry, I also have alone plans for you and me.
A giddy laugh escaped me, and I bit my lip down to hold onto my emotions.
Me: Didn’t even cross my mind.
Late Night Visitor: Lucky you. It was all I could think about.
Me: I lied about that. Obviously. Me, too.
Late Night Visitor: I know.
Me: Arrogant.
Late Night Visitor: Confident.
Jack and Devon had pulled up in their silver Jeep, the top down, and Jack hopped out in aviators, wearing his uniform of dark ball cap, distressed jeans, and solid color t-shirt. He’d shaved and his strong jaw was grinning. My, what beautiful teeth he has.
My brother shook his hand and was introduced to Devon.
As Jack pulled his seat forward so Joey and I could climb in, Joey stepped back to allow me in first. I gave him a shove. I wanted to sit behind Jack.
My brother rolled his eyes, and climbed in, then took the bag from me with our towels and stuff. He and Devon exchanged a couple of comments and talked about where we were going. I’d already told Jazz to meet us at the Marina per Jack’s additional instructions.
“Good morning,” Jack murmured softly as I moved in front of him to climb in after Joey.
I glanced up but couldn’t see his eyes behind his glasses.
“Yes, it is,” I returned and settled myself in the seat, tying my hair up with a band.
Jack put the chair back and got in. I could see the smooth nape of his neck over the seat back. Seriously, was every part of him like the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen?
As soon as we were moving, his hand came down the gap between his seat and the door and touched me lightly on the ankle.
I pursed my lips, inhaling deeply through my nose. My chest began a deep steady thump, and I wanted to close my eyes and just revel in the feeling of his fingertips on me. Rummaging around in my brown leather purse, I pulled out my mirrored sunglasses and slid them on. I shifted my foot forward, and his hand closed lightly around my leg.