I shook my head slowly side to side.
“I guess you just make me believe that there’s a world without bullshit, where I can just be me. I’m so on guard everywhere else, so tense. About everything. In the world I live in, you can never take anything at face value. Every decision I make could be the one that tears down everything I’ve worked for. It could be a movie choice, but worse, it could just be a wrong place wrong time, or one bad word. One minute they love you, the next they hate you. There were times, in the early days, I took stuff, a line of coke, a pill or whatever just to be able to put my face out the door and be ‘on.’ Or a tranq just to fall asleep at night. It changes you.”
My hand itched to touch him, so I rested it on his forearm.
He looked at it a few moments. “I spent a lot of time in England, trying to reconcile things that happened there with my father and who he was and … why he burned me, and all the other …” he winced, “shit he did. I wrote a ton of stuff about it in that journal, nothing you needed to read, believe me. “But … I’ve been turning it into something. Like a screenplay about him, who he was, what he did. I don’t want to honor him or anything, or do anything with it, I just needed to see it laid out as if it were a movie, as if it were a script, so I could process it, you know? See it objectively. And know that without my past I wouldn’t be who I am today.”
“So in a way it was kind of good that you went? Like it was meant to be … I think there were parts of you … you needed to knit together.”
He nodded and stared out toward the water.
“Even though I totally hated that you didn’t tell me what was going on and didn’t come back here, I get it.”
Jack turned to me. “Come here,” he whispered, taking my champagne flute and setting it down next to his. I shifted closer, but he slid an arm around my waist and hauled me astride his lap. My robe was large and tightly belted, but it could hardly survive that move and revealed a lot of thigh. Jack glanced down and swallowed. “Shit, didn’t mean to do that. Now I’ll be distracted.”
I laughed softly and covered my upper thighs as best as I could. When I looked up, Jack was gazing at me seriously.
He reached a hand up and brushed a stray lock of my hair from my face. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything when it happened.”
I blinked slowly. Then gave a single nod, accepting his apology, but waiting for more.
“I never left you for her. It wasn’t her,” Jack said softly. “I was in shock for a while, back then when I thought I was about to be a father. I just wasn’t going to let a child of mine grow up without me. And I must have known deep down the kind of person Audrey was, that she’d never let me be fully in her child’s life if I wasn’t with her. I came here right after I found out she lied.” He shook his head. “Remember I mentioned I ended up at that gallery on Hilton Head Island where you had that exhibit?”
“Yes, but you never said how.” Or why you didn’t come see me. It still hurt.
“Dumb luck, I guess. I saw a thing about it on the magazine I was given with the rental car. I drove straight there. Seeing that piece you did … that wave … really affected me. It was so beautiful and so painful to see. I realized how much being with me could hurt you.”
I sat frozen, afraid even my breathing would stop him talking.
“Not just how much I obviously hurt you by what happened, but also that being with me, being seen to be with me could damage you professionally. Which is something I totally understand.”
Shaking my head slowly, I wanted to argue, but he was right. It was a different take, but still the same issue I’d already voiced to him. About being with him as his girlfriend.
He put a finger to my lips, stopping me from making any objection. “I was already thinking about not seeing you for those reasons, and only those reasons, but I drove to Butler Cove anyway. I wanted to see you. Apologize or something, I didn’t know really. Maybe be selfish and go after you anyway. And then Sheila called, she’s my publicist, and told me about the pictures.”
Just being reminded of the pictures sent my belly lurching violently.
“I was freaking driving toward you and seriously about to bring a shit storm to town along with me.” Jack shook his head and closed his eyes. “I couldn’t do it. I turned around. I couldn’t do it to you. And I literally promised not to go anywhere near you until the contract was done.” He shifted, looking up at me.
I stared at him. I couldn’t believe he’d been here, so close, and just turned around. My heart hurt. Even though he’d done it to protect me.
“Audrey also made some claims about my temper, saying she was scared of me. She was trying every angle. She had a video of me hitting Colt, and I’d lost my mind and punched the wall at my place when I found out about the pregnancy being fake,” he added at my look. “The publicity would have been a nightmare if anyone thought the reason my hand was in a cast was because I …”
I tried and failed to hold back a shudder. Yes, it would have been grotesque sensationalism. Jack Eversea in violent outburst with Audrey Lane.
My heart felt wounded for him. I just couldn’t imagine someone deliberately hurting him, and worse, I couldn’t bear the thought of what he must have felt to be so utterly betrayed. Reaching my hand out, I ran my fingers through his hair and skated my fingers around his neck to his jaw. Then his lips. His lips were so soft. Leaning forward, I kissed him softly.
He cleared his throat. “So Peak used that. They pacified Audrey by telling her they needed me on something out of the country. In England. God, I didn’t want to take it. I didn’t want to be back there. But my main contact at Peak said if I didn’t take it, they might not back the Dread Pirate Robert’s project. I’d already told Devon I’d do it, and we have other investors who’d pull out if Peak wasn’t involved.”
Jack took one of my hands and placed it on his chest. “And part of me wondered why you’d want to see me again anyway.”
His shirt was warm and soft, and I could feel the steady thump of his heart beneath my fingers. “I thought of contacting you so many times, but I didn’t know how. Can you imagine if you’d gotten a text or a phone call from me out of the blue? And what would I even say? Every day that went by, it became harder to even contemplate that as an option.”
“It’s okay, Jack,” I whispered, because truly I didn’t know what else to say. He was right, a random phone call from him would have made me mad as hell. And even though I didn’t like it, it all made sense to me, but unfortunately invited a few more unwelcome thoughts. “Are, are you going to be in a contract for the Dread Pirate Robert’s movie?”
“They’re going to try, I’m sure. But the female lead hasn’t been cast yet, and I’ll make sure she knows the deal about you and me.”
“I’m probably going to need a firm ‘no,’ Jack.” I raised my eyebrows.
He laughed. “Of course, it’s a firm ‘no.’ No relationship contracts, period.”
“So what is the deal about you and me?”
“You exist, therefore I am?”
I snorted a giggle. “Is that existential Jack talking?”