Beulah - Page 309/348

She had rejected Christian theism, because she could not understand

how God had created the universe out of nothing. True, "with God,

all things are possible"; but she could not understand this creation

out of nothing, and therefore would not believe it. Yet (oh,

inconsistency of human reasoning!) she had believed that the

universe created laws; that matter gradually created mind. This was

the inevitable result of pantheism; for, according to geology, there

was a primeval period when neither vegetable nor animal life

existed; when the earth was a huge mass of inorganic matter. Of two

incomprehensibilities, which was the most plausible? To-night this

question recurred to her mind with irresistible force, and, as her

eyes wandered over the volumes she had so long consulted, she

exclaimed: "Oh, philosophy! thou hast mocked my hungry soul; thy gilded fruits

have crumbled to ashes in my grasp. In lieu of the holy faith of my

girlhood, thou hast given me but dim, doubtful conjecture, cold

metaphysical abstractions, intangible shadows, that flit along my

path, and lure me on to deeper morasses. Oh, what is the shadow of

death, in comparison with the starless night which has fallen upon

me, even in the morning of my life! My God, save me! Give me light!

Of myself I can know nothing!"

Her proud intellect was humbled, and, falling on her knees, for the

first time in many months, a sobbing prayer went up to the throne of

the living God; while the vast clockwork of stars looked in on a

pale brow and lips, where heavy drops of moisture glistened.