Chance - Page 132/275

She seemed glad I had spoken at last and glad of the opportunity to speak

herself.

"Yes. He said he would--this morning. Did you say you did not know

Captain Anthony?"

"No. I don't know him. Is he anything like his sister?"

She looked startled and murmured "Sister!" in a puzzled tone which

astonished me. "Oh! Mrs. Fyne," she exclaimed, recollecting herself,

and avoiding my eyes while I looked at her curiously.

What an extraordinary detachment! And all the time the stream of shabby

people was hastening by us, with the continuous dreary shuffling of weary

footsteps on the flagstones. The sunshine falling on the grime of

surfaces, on the poverty of tones and forms seemed of an inferior

quality, its joy faded, its brilliance tarnished and dusty. I had to

raise my voice in the dull vibrating noise of the roadway.

"You don't mean to say you have forgotten the connection?"

She cried readily enough: "I wasn't thinking." And then, while I

wondered what could have been the images occupying her brain at this

time, she asked me: "You didn't see my letter to Mrs. Fyne--did you?"

"No. I didn't," I shouted. Just then the racket was distracting, a pair-

horse trolly lightly loaded with loose rods of iron passing slowly very

near us. "I wasn't trusted so far." And remembering Mrs. Fyne's hints

that the girl was unbalanced, I added: "Was it an unreserved confession

you wrote?"

She did not answer me for a time, and as I waited I thought that there's

nothing like a confession to make one look mad; and that of all

confessions a written one is the most detrimental all round. Never

confess! Never, never! An untimely joke is a source of bitter regret

always. Sometimes it may ruin a man; not because it is a joke, but

because it is untimely. And a confession of whatever sort is always

untimely. The only thing which makes it supportable for a while is

curiosity. You smile? Ah, but it is so, or else people would be sent to

the rightabout at the second sentence. How many sympathetic souls can

you reckon on in the world? One in ten, one in a hundred--in a

thousand--in ten thousand? Ah! What a sell these confessions are! What

a horrible sell! You seek sympathy, and all you get is the most

evanescent sense of relief--if you get that much. For a confession,

whatever it may be, stirs the secret depths of the hearer's character.

Often depths that he himself is but dimly aware of. And so the righteous

triumph secretly, the lucky are amused, the strong are disgusted, the

weak either upset or irritated with you according to the measure of their

sincerity with themselves. And all of them in their hearts brand you for

either mad or impudent . . . "