The City of Fire - Page 107/221

A chastened face, humbled by suffering when alone, but proud and

unyielding still before others. Mark Carter looking over his past knew

just where he had started down this road of pain, just where he had

made the first mistake, sinned the first sin, chosen pride instead of

humility, the devil instead of God. And to-night Mark Carter sat and

faced the immediate future and saw what was before him. As if a painted

map lay out there on the wall before him, he saw the fire through which

he must pass, and the way it would scorch the faces of those he loved,

and his soul cried out in anguish at the sight. Back, back over his

past life he tramped again and again. Days when he and Lynn and her

father and mother had gone off on little excursions, with a lunch and a

dog and a book, and all the world of nature as their playground. A

little thought, a trifling word that had been spoken, some bit of

beauty at which they looked, an ant they watched struggling with a

crumb too heavy for it, a cluster of golden leaves or the scarlet

berries of the squaw vine among the moss. How the memories made his

heart ache as he thought them out of the past.

And the books they had read aloud, sometimes the minister, sometimes

his wife doing the reading, but always he was counted into the little

circle as if they were a family. He had come to look upon them as his

second father and mother. His own father he had never known.

His eyes sought the bookcase near at hand. There they were, some of

them birthday gifts and Christmases, and he had liked nothing better

than a new book which he always carried over to be read in the company.

Oh, those years! How the books marked their going! Even way back in his

little boyhood! "Hans Brinker or the Silver Skates." He touched its

worn blue back and silver letters scarcely discernible. "The Call of

the Wild." How he had thrilled to the sorrows of that dog! And how many

life lessons had been wrapped up in the creature's experience! How had

he drifted so far away from it all? How could he have done it? No one

had pushed him, he had gone himself. He knew the very moment when after

days of agony he had made the awful decision, scarcely believing

himself that he meant to stick by it; hoping against hope that some

great miracle would come to pass that should change it all and put him

back where he longed to be! How he had prayed and prayed in his

childish faith and agony for the miracle, and--it had not come!

God had gone back on him. He had not kept His promises! And then he had

deliberately given up his faith. He could think back over all the days

and weeks that led up to this. Just after the time when he had been so

happy; had felt that he was growing up, and understanding so many of

the great problems of life. The future looked rosy before him, because

he felt that he was beginning to grasp wisdom and the sweetness of

things. How little he had known of his own foolishness and sinfulness!