The City of Fire - Page 217/221

"He was. He took me out to supper that night and gave me liquor to

drink. You know I had never touched a drop. Never had intended to as

long as I lived. But when he offered it to me I took it down as if I

had been used to it. I didn't care. I wanted to do all the wrong I

could.

"I drank again and again, and I must have got pretty drunk. I remember

the crowd laughed at me a great deal. And they brought some girls

around. It makes me sick to think of it now. We went to a place and

danced. I didn't know how, but I danced anyway. And there was more

drinking. I don't remember things very distinctly. I did whatever the

coach said, and he had been going a pretty good pace himself.--That

night--!" His voice choked with shame and it seemed as though he could

not go on--but the minister's clasp was steady and the boy gathered

courage and went on--"That night--we--went--to a house of shame--!"

He dropped his head and groaned. The minister did not attempt to break

the pause that followed. He knew the struggle that was going on in the

bitterness of the young man's soul. He maintained that steady hand

clasp: "In the morning--when I came to myself--" he went on "I knew what I had

done. I had cut myself off forever from all that made life worth while.

I would never be worthy again to even speak to you all whom I loved so

much. I would never be able to look myself in the face again even. I

was ashamed. I had given up God and love, and everything worth while.

"That was when I went away to New York. Mother tried to stop me, but I

would go. I tried when I got to New York to plunge into a wild life,

but it didn't attract me. I had to force myself. Besides, I had

resolved that whatever came, wherever I went I would not drink and I

would keep clean. I thought that by so doing I might in time at

least win back my self respect. Later I conceived the idea of trying to

save others from a life of shame. I did succeed in helping some to

better ways I think, both men and girls. But I only won a worse

reputation at home for it, and I'm not sure I did much good. I only

know I walked in hell from morning to night, and in time I came to

dwell among lost souls. It seemed the only place that I belonged.