Anna Karenina - Part 1 - Page 72/119

Dolly looked dreamily away beyond her sister-in-law as she

listened to her words.

"Yes, I can see that his position is awful; it's worse for the

guilty than the innocent," she said, "if he feels that all the

misery comes from his fault. But how am I to forgive him, how am

I to be his wife again after her? For me to live with him now

would be torture, just because I love my past love for him..."

And sobs cut short her words. But as though of set design, each

time she was softened she began to speak again of what

exasperated her.

"She's young, you see, she's pretty," she went on. "Do you know,

Anna, my youth and my beauty are gone, taken by whom? By him and

his children. I have worked for him, and all I had has gone in

his service, and now of course any fresh, vulgar creature has

more charm for him. No doubt they talked of me together, or,

worse still, they were silent. Do you understand?"

Again her eyes glowed with hatred.

"And after that he will tell me.... What! can I believe him?

Never! No, everything is over, everything that once made my

comfort, the reward of my work, and my sufferings.... Would you

believe it, I was teaching Grisha just now: once this was a joy

to me, now it is a torture. What have I to strive and toil for?

Why are the children here? What's so awful is that all at once

my heart's turned, and instead of love and tenderness, I have

nothing but hatred for him; yes, hatred. I could kill him."

"Darling Dolly, I understand, but don't torture yourself. You

are so distressed, so overwrought, that you look at many things

mistakenly."

Dolly grew calmer, and for two minutes both were silent.

"What's to be done? Think for me, Anna, help me. I have thought

over everything, and I see nothing."

Anna could think of nothing, but her heart responded instantly to

each word, to each change of expression of her sister-in-law.

"One thing I would say," began Anna. "I am his sister, I know

his character, that faculty of forgetting everything, everything"

(she waved her hand before her forehead), "that faculty for being

completely carried away, but for completely repenting too. He

cannot believe it, he cannot comprehend now how he can have acted

as he did."

"No; he understands, he understood!" Dolly broke in. "But

I...you are forgetting me...does it make it easier for me?"