Anna Karenina - Part 8 - Page 12/52

"Yes, as a weapon I may be of some use. But as a man, I'm a

wreck," he jerked out.

He could hardly speak for the throbbing ache in his strong teeth,

that were like rows of ivory in his mouth. He was silent, and

his eyes rested on the wheels of the tender, slowly and smoothly

rolling along the rails.

And all at once a different pain, not an ache, but an inner

trouble, that set his whole being in anguish, made him for an

instant forget his toothache. As he glanced at the tender and

the rails, under the influence of the conversation with a friend

he had not met since his misfortune, he suddenly recalled

_her_--that is, what was left of her when he had run like one

distraught into the cloak room of the railway station--on the

table, shamelessly sprawling out among strangers, the

bloodstained body so lately full of life; the head unhurt

dropping back with its weight of hair, and the curling tresses

about the temples, and the exquisite face, with red, half-opened

mouth, the strange, fixed expression, piteous on the lips and

awful in the still open eyes, that seemed to utter that fearful

phrase--that he would be sorry for it--that she had said when

they were quarreling.

And he tried to think of her as she was when he met her the first

time, at a railway station too, mysterious, exquisite, loving,

seeking and giving happiness, and not cruelly revengeful as he

remembered her on that last moment. He tried to recall his best

moments with her, but those moments were poisoned forever. He

could only think of her as triumphant, successful in her menace

of a wholly useless remorse never to be effaced. He lost all

consciousness of toothache, and his face worked with sobs.

Passing twice up and down beside the baggage in silence and

regaining his self-possession, he addressed Sergey Ivanovitch

calmly: "You have had no telegrams since yesterday's? Yes, driven back

for a third time, but a decisive engagement expected for

tomorrow."

And after talking a little more of King Milan's proclamation, and

the immense effect it might have, they parted, going to their

carriages on hearing the second bell.