"What is the matter?" asked Dr. Lacey. "For whom was that sigh and those
tears?"
"For poor Fan," answered Julia. "I have accidently found a part of an old
journal, which she kept while Mr. Wilmot was living."
"May I see it?" asked Dr. Lacey.
Julia seemed at first reluctant, but finally replied, "Perhaps it will be
as well to let you do so, for you may then judge more kindly of Fanny";
and she placed in his hands the soiled sheets of paper which we saw in her
room.
Leaning back she watched him while he read. As we have as much right to
read Fanny's journal as Dr. Lacey, we will here give a few brief extracts: April--"Cease your wild beatings, my heart. Mr. Wilmot is promised to
Julia. He will never be mine, but nought can prevent my loving him; ay,
forever and ever."
August 1st--"I do not believe I am indifferent to Mr. Wilmot, but he will
be true to his vows--he will wed Julia; and this doctor that bothers me so,
what of him? Why, he is wealthy, and high, and handsome--but I do not love
him; yet if he offers himself I shall say yes, for, as Mrs. Carrington
says, 'he is a great catch.'"
Sept. 5--"Mr. Wilmot is dead, and with him died my poor, poor heart. Had he
lived, he possibly might have turned to me, for Julia knew how much I
loved him. Dear, generous Julia, how I wish Dr. Lacey would love her, for
she is more worthy of him than I am."
Jan. 1--"Heigh ho, I'm engaged to Dr. Lacey! Who would think it? Now I am
happy! Oh, no. Out in the graveyard lies one who could have made me happy.
Ought I thus to deceive Dr. Lacey? Why, yes; if he is satisfied, it is
well enough. I am ambitious, and if I can't marry for love, I will for
money. And then he's given me so beautiful a piano. Oh, I hope he'll send
me more presents after he gets home!"
Jan. 15--"Dr. Lacey has gone and I feel relieved. But just think of
it--Julia loves him devotedly. I wish he knew it. She has always loved him
and tries to make me do the same. She read me a sermon today two hours
long about my duty. Fudge on my duty! As long as I can make Joshua and Dr.
Lacey think I'm all sunshine, it's no matter if my love is all moonshine."