"That's all at an end," she said. "Now I'm condemned to Siberia,"
and her lip trembled as she was saying this dreadful word.
"I knew; I was certain you were not guilty," said Nekhludoff.
"Guilty! of course not; as if I could be a thief or a robber."
She stopped, considering in what way she could best get something
out of him.
"They say here that all depends on the advocate," she began. "A
petition should be handed in, only they say it's expensive."
"Yes, most certainly," said Nekhludoff. "I have already spoken to
an advocate."
"No money ought to be spared; it should be a good one," she said.
"I shall do all that is possible."
They were silent, and then she smiled again in the same way.
"And I should like to ask you . . . a little money if you can . . .
not much; ten roubles, I do not want more," she said, suddenly.
"Yes, yes," Nekhludoff said, with a sense of confusion, and felt
for his purse.
She looked rapidly at the inspector, who was walking up and down
the room. "Don't give it in front of him; he'd take it away."
Nekhludoff took out his purse as soon as the inspector had turned
his back; but had no time to hand her the note before the
inspector faced them again, so he crushed it up in his hand.
"This woman is dead," Nekhludoff thought, looking at this once
sweet, and now defiled, puffy face, lit up by an evil glitter in
the black, squinting eyes which were now glancing at the hand in
which he held the note, then following the inspector's movements,
and for a moment he hesitated. The tempter that had been speaking
to him in the night again raised its voice, trying to lead him
out of the realm of his inner into the realm of his outer life,
away from the question of what he should do to the question of
what the consequences would be, and what would be practical.
"You can do nothing with this woman," said the voice; "you will
only tie a stone round your neck, which will help to drown you
and hinder you from being useful to others.
"Is it not better to give her all the money that is here, say
good-bye, and finish with her forever?" whispered the voice.
But here he felt that now, at this very moment, something most
important was taking place in his soul--that his inner life was,
as it were, wavering in the balance, so that the slightest effort
would make it sink to this side or the other. And he made this
effort by calling to his assistance that God whom he had felt in
his soul the day before, and that God instantly responded. He
resolved to tell her everything now--at once.