Everything seemed to have been told; but no, the president could
not forego his right of speaking as yet. It was so pleasant to
hear the impressive tones of his own voice, and therefore he
found it necessary to say a few words more about the importance
of the rights given to the jury, how carefully they should use
the rights and how they ought not to abuse them, about their
being on their oath, that they were the conscience of society,
that the secrecy of the debating-room should be considered
sacred, etc.
From the time the president commenced his speech, Maslova watched
him without moving her eyes as if afraid of losing a single word;
so that Nekhludoff was not afraid of meeting her eyes and kept
looking at her all the time. And his mind passed through those
phases in which a face which we have not seen for many years
first strikes us with the outward changes brought about during
the time of separation, and then gradually becomes more and more
like its old self, when the changes made by time seem to
disappear, and before our spiritual eyes rises only the principal
expression of one exceptional, unique individuality. Yes, though
dressed in a prison cloak, and in spite of the developed figure,
the fulness of the bosom and lower part of the face, in spite of
a few wrinkles on the forehead and temples and the swollen eyes,
this was certainly the same Katusha who, on that Easter eve, had
so innocently looked up to him whom she loved, with her fond,
laughing eyes full of joy and life.
"What a strange coincidence that after ten years, during which I
never saw her, this case should have come up today when I am on
the jury, and that it is in the prisoners' dock that I see her
again! And how will it end? Oh, dear, if they would only get on
quicker."
Still he would not give in to the feelings of repentance which
began to arise within him. He tried to consider it all as a
coincidence, which would pass without infringing his manner of
life. He felt himself in the position of a puppy, when its
master, taking it by the scruff of its neck, rubs its nose in the
mess it has made. The puppy whines, draws back and wants to get
away as far as possible from the effects of its misdeed, but the
pitiless master does not let go.
And so, Nekhludoff, feeling all the repulsiveness of what he had
done, felt also the powerful hand of the Master, but he did not
feel the whole significance of his action yet and would not
recognise the Master's hand. He did not wish to believe that it
was the effect of his deed that lay before him, but the pitiless
hand of the Master held him and he felt he could not get away. He
was still keeping up his courage and sat on his chair in the
first row in his usual self-possessed pose, one leg carelessly
thrown over the other, and playing with his pince-nez. Yet all
the while, in the depths of his soul, he felt the cruelty,
cowardice and baseness, not only of this particular action of his
but of his whole self-willed, depraved, cruel, idle life; and
that dreadful veil which had in some unaccountable manner hidden
from him this sin of his and the whole of his subsequent life was
beginning to shake, and he caught glimpses of what was covered by
that veil.