The Awakening of Helena Richie - Page 133/229

The house was quite silent now, except when Sarah trudged up the back

stairs with the clanking silver-basket on her arm. The lamp on the

corner of her bureau flickered, and a spark wavered up the chimney;

the oil was gone and the wick charring. She got up and blew the

smouldering flame out; then sat down again in the darkness.... Yes;

Lloyd was no longer vitally interested in Frederick's health. She must

make up her mind to that. But after all, what difference did that

make? He loved her just the same, only men are not like women, they

don't keep on saying so,--for that matter, she herself did not say so

as often as in those first days. But of course she loved him just as

much. She had grown a little dull, she supposed. No; she would not

distrust him. She was sure he loved her. Yet behind her most emphatic

assertions cowered that dumb apprehension which had struck its cold

talons into her heart the day that David had hurt his hand: ...

Suppose Frederick's death should be an embarrassment to Lloyd!

In the darkness, with the brush of the locust branches against the

closed shutters of the east window, her face blazed with angry color,

and she threw her head up with a surge of pride. "If he doesn't want

me, I don't want him!" she said aloud. She pulled the lace bertha from

her shoulders, and began to take out her hairpins, "I sha'n't be the

one to say 'Let us be married.'"

When she lay down in the darkness, her eyes wide open, her arms

straight at her sides, it flashed into her mind that Frederick was

lying still and straight, too. His face must be white, now; sunken,

perhaps; the leer of his pale eyes changed into the sly smile of the

dead. Dead. Oh, at last, at last!--and her mind rushed back to

its own affairs....That horrible old Mr. Wright and his insinuations;

how she had worried over them and over the difficulty of getting away

from Old Chester, only that afternoon. Ah, well, she need never think

of such things again, for never again could any one have an insulting

thought about her; and as for her fear that Lloyd would not want her

to leave Old Chester--why, he would take her away himself! And once

outside of Old Chester, she would have a place in the world like other

women. She was conscious of a sudden and passionate elation: Like

other women. The very words were triumphant! Yes; like that

dreadful Mrs. King; oh, how intolerably stupid the woman was, how she

disliked her; but when Lloyd came and they went away together, she

would be like Mrs. King! She drew an exultant breath and smiled

proudly in the darkness. For the moment the cowering fear was

forgotten....How soon could he come? He ought to have the telegram by

ten the next morning--too late to catch the express for Mercer. He

would take the night train, and arrive at noon on Saturday. A day and

a half to wait. And at that she realized with sudden astonishment that

it was still Thursday. It seemed hours and hours since she had read

that telegram. Yet it was scarcely an hour ago that she had been

dancing the Virginia reel with those terrible people! A little later

she had noticed William King lingering behind the departing guests;

how annoyed she had been at his slowness. Then he had taken that

envelope out of his pocket--she gasped again, remembering the shock of

its contents.