Confession - Page 135/274

"You are a man, Clifford; and now, would you believe it, our

excellent, immaculate young friend, Mr. William Edgerton, refused

me this money."

"Strange! Edgerton is not selfish--he is not mean! From THAT vice

he is certainly free."

"By G-d, I don't know that! He refused me the money; refused to

go with me. I saw him at eight o'clock, at his own room, where he

was rigging himself out for some d---d tea-drinking; told him my

straits, my losses, my object and all; and what was his plea, think

you? Why, he disapproved of gambling; couldn't think of lending

me a sixpence for any such purpose; and, as for going into such a

suspected quarter as a gambling-house--wouldn't do it for the world!

Was there ever such a puritan--such a humbug!"

I did William Edgerton only justice in my reply;-"I've no doubt, Kingsley, that such are his real principles. He

would have lent you thrice the money, freely, had not your object

been avowed."

"But what a devil sort of despotism is that! Can't a friend get

drunk, or game, or swagger? may he not depart from the highway,

and sidle into an alley, without souring his friend's temper and

making him stingy? I don't understand it at all. I'm glad, at least,

to find you are of another sort of stuff."

"Nay, Kingsley, I will lend you the money--go with you, as you

desire; but, understand me, I do not, no more than Edgerton, approve

of this gambling."

"Tut, tut! I don't want you to preach, though I could hear you with

a devilish sight better temper than him. There's a hundred things

that one's friend don't approve of, but shall he desert him for

all that? Leave him to be plucked, and kicked, and abandoned; and,

moralizing, with a grin over his fain, say, 'I told you. so!' No!

no! Give me the fellow that'll stand by me--keep me out of evil,

if he can, but stand by me, nevertheless, at all events; and not

suffer me to be swallowed up at the last moment, when an outstretched

finger might save!"

"But, am I to think, Kingsley, that my help can do this?"

"No! not exactly--it may--but if it does not, what then? I shall

lose the money, but you shan't. But, truth to speak, Clifford, I do

not propose to myself the recovery of what is lost. I know I have

been the prey of sharpers. That is to say, I have every reason to

believe so, and I have had a hint to that effect. I have a spice

of the devil in me, accordingly--a mocking, mortifying devil, that

jeers me with my d---d simplicity; and I propose to go and let the

swindlers know, in a way as little circuitous as possible, that I

am not blind to the fact that they have made an ass of me. There

will be some satisfaction, in that. I will write myself down an

ass, for their benefit, only to enjoy the satisfaction of kicking

a little like one. I invite you on a kicking expedition."