Confession - Page 52/274

"Mr. Perkins is, permit me to say, a very impertinent fellow; and,

if you please, our conference will cease from this moment."

He was a little astounded--rose, and then recovering himself,

proceeded to reply with the air of a veteran martinet.

"I am glad, sir, that you give me an opportunity of proceeding

with this business without delay. My friend, Mr. Perkins, prepared

me for some such answer. Oblige me, sir, by reading this paper."

He handed me the challenge for which his preliminaries had prepared

me.

"Accepted, sir; I will send my friend to you in the course of the

morning."

As I uttered this reply, I bowed and waved him to the door. He

did not answer, other than by a bow, and took his departure. The

promptness which I had shown impressed him with respect. Baffled,

in his first spring, the bully, like the tiger, is very apt to slink

back to his jungle. His departure gave me a brief opportunity for

reflection, in which I slightly turned over in my mind the arguments

for and against duelling. But these were now too late--even were

they to decide me against the practice--to affect the present

transaction; and I sallied out to seek a friend--a friend!

Here was the first difficulty. I had precious little choice among

friends. My temper was not one calculated to make or keep friends.

My earnestness of character, and intensity of mood, made me dictatorial;

and where self-esteem is a large and active development, as it must

be in an old aristocratic community, such qualities are continually

provoking popular hostility. My friends, too, were not of the kind

to whom such scrapes as the present were congenial. I was unwilling

to go to young Edgerton, as I did not wish to annoy his parents

by my novel anxieties. But where else could I turn? To him I went.

When he heard my story, he began by endeavoring to dissuade me from

the meeting.

"I am pledged to it, William," was my only answer.

"But, Edward, I am opposed to duelling myself, and should not

promote or encourage, in another, a practice which I would not be

willing myself to adopt."

"A good and sufficient reason, William. You certainly should not.

I will go to Frank Kingsley."

"He will serve you, I know; but, Edward, this duelling is a bad

business. It does no sort of good. Kill Perkins, and it does not

prove to him, even if he were then able to hear, that Mrs. Clifford

spoke a falsehood; and if he kills you, you are even still farther

from convincing him.

"I have no such desire, William; and your argument, by the way,

is one of those beggings of the question which the opponents of

duelling continually fall into when discussing the subject. The

object of the man, who, in a case like mine, fights a duel, is

not to prove his truth, but to protect himself from persecution.

Perkins seeks to bully and drive me out of the community. Public

opinion here approves of this mode of protecting one's self;--may,

if I do not avail myself of its agency, the same public opinion

would assist my assailant in my expulsion. I fight on the same

ground that a nation fights when it goes to war. It is the most

obvious and easy mode to protect myself from injury and insult. So

long as I submit, Perkins will insult and bully, and the city will

encourage him, If I resist, I silence this fellow, and perhaps

protect other young beginners. I have not the most distant idea of

convincing him of my truth by fighting him--may, the idea of giving

him satisfaction is an idea that never entered my brain. I simply

take a popular mode of securing myself from outrage and persecution."