Confession - Page 64/274

The result of this interview of my rival with the mother of Julia,

was afforded me by the latter. The mother had already given her

consent to his suit--that of Julia alone was to be obtained; and

to this end the arts of the suitor and the mother were equally

devoted. Her refusal only brought with it new forms of persecution.

Her steps were haunted by the swain, to whom Mrs. Clifford gave

secret notice of all her daughter's intentions. He was her invariable

attendant at church, wheve I had the pain constantly to behold them,

in such close proximity, that I at length abandoned the customary

house of worship, and found my pew in another, where I could be

enabled to endure the forms of service without being oppresssd by

foreign and distracting thoughts and fancies.

Of the progress of the suit I had occasional intelligence from

Julia herself, whom I had, very reluctantly on her part, persuaded

to meet me at the house of a female relative and friend, who favored

our desires and managed our interviews. Brief were these stolen

moments, but oh, how blissful! The pleasures they afforded, however,

were almost wholly mine. The clandestine character of our meetings

served to deprive her of the joy which they otherwise might have

yielded; and the fear that she was not doing right, humbled her

spirit and made her tremble with frequent apprehensions.

At length Mrs. Clifford suspected our interviews, and detected

them. We had a most stormy scene on one occasion, when the sudden

entrance of this lady surprised us together, at the house of our

friend. The consequence of this was, a rupture between the ladies,

which resulted in Julia's being forbidden to visit the house of

her relative again. This measure was followed by others of such

precaution, that at length I could no longer communicate with her,

or even seek her, unless when she was on her way to church. Her

appearance then was such as to awaken all my apprehensions. Her

form, always slender, was become more so. The change was striking

in a single week. Her face, usually pale and delicate, was now

haggard. Her walk was feeble, and without elasticity. Her whole

appearance was wo-begone and utterly spiritless. Days and weeks

passed, and my heart was filled with hourly-increasing apprehensions.

I returned to the familiar church, but here I suffered a new alarm.

That sabbath the family pew was unoccupied. While I trembled lest

something serious had befallen her, I was called on by the family

physician. This gentleman had been always friendly. He had been

my father's physician, and had been his friend and frequent guest;

he knew my history, and sympathized with my fortunes. He now know

the history of Julia's affections. She had made him her confidante

so far, and he brought me a letter from her. She was sick, as I

expected. This letter was of startling tenor:-"Save me, Edward, if you can. I am now willing to do as you proposed.

I can no longer endure these annoyances--these cruel persecutions!

My mother tells me that I must submit and marry this man, if we

would save ourselves from ruin. It seems he has a claim against

the estate for professional services; and as we have no other means

of payment, without the sale of all that is left, he is base enough

to insist upon my hand as the condition of his forbearance. He

uses threats now, since entreaties have failed him. Oh, Edward,

if you can save me, come!--for of a certainty, I can not bear this

persecution much long and live. I am now willing to consent to do

what Aunt Sophy recommended. Do not think me bold to say so, dear

Edward--if I am bold, it is despair which makes me so."