Confession - Page 70/274

These proceedings, the tenor of which was briefly communicated

to me in a hurried note from Julia, despatched by the hands of

the physician, under a cover, to the friendly aunt, rendered it

imperatively necessary that, whatever we proposed to do should be

done quickly, if we entertained any hope to save.

The tone of her epistle alarmed me exceedingly in one respect, as

it evidently showed that she could not much longer save herself. Her

courage was sinking with her spirits, which were yielding rapidly

beneath the continued presence of that persecution which had

so long been acting upon her. She began now to distrust her own

strength--her very powers of utterance to declare her aversion to

the proposed marriage, if ever the trial was brought to the threatened

issue before the holy man.

"What am I to do--what say--" demanded her trembling epistle,

"should they go so far? Am I to declare the truth?--can I tell to

strange ears that it is my mother who forces this cruel sacrifice

upon me? I dread I can not. I fear that my soul and voice will

equally fail me. I tremble, dear Edward, when I think that the awful

moment may find me speechless, and my consent may be assumed from

my silence. Save me from this trial, dearest Edward; for I fear

everything now--and fear myself--my unhappy weakness of nerve and

spirit more than all. Do not leave me to this trial of my strength--for

I have none. Save me if you can!"

It may be readily believed that I needed little soliciting to

exertion after this. The words of this letter occasioned an alarm

in my mind, little less--though of a different kind--than that which

prevailed in hers. I knew the weakness of hers--I knew hers--and

felt the apprehension that she might fail at the proper moment,

even more vividly than she expressed it.

This letter did not take me by surprise. Before it was received,

and soon after the first with which she had favored me, by the

hands of the friendly physician, I had begun my preparations with

the view to our clandestine marriage. I was only now required to

quicken them. The obstacle, on the face of it, was, comparatively, a

small one. To get her from a dwelling, in which, though her steps

were watched, she was not exactly a prisoner, was scarcely a

difficulty, where the lover and the lady are equally willing.

Our mode of operations was simple. There was a favorite servant--a

negro--who had been raised in the family, had been a playmate

with my poor deceased cousin and myself, and had always been held

in particular regard by both of us. He was not what is called

a house-servant, but was employed in the yard in doing various

offices, such as cutting wood, tending the garden, going of messages,

and so forth. This was in the better days of the Clifford family.

Since its downfall he had been instructed to look an owner, and,

opportunely, at this moment, when I was deliberating upon the

process I should adopt for the extrication of his young mistress,

he came to me to request that I would buy him. The presence of this

servant suggested to me that he could assist me materially in my

plans. Without suffering him to know the intention which I had

formed I listened to his garrulous harangue. A negro is usually very

copious, where he has an auditor; and though, from his situation,

he could directly see nothing of the proceedings in the house of

his owner, yet, from his fellow-servants he had contrived to gather,

perhaps, a very correct account of the general condition of things.

It appeared from his story that the attachment of Miss Julia to

myself was very commonly understood. The effort of the mother to

persuade her to marry Perkins was also known to him; but of the

arrangement that the marriage should take place at the early day

mentioned in her note, he told me nothing, and, in all probability,

this part of her proceedings was kept a close secret by the wily

dame Peter--the name of the negro--went on to add, that, loving

me, and loving his young mistress, and knowing that we loved one

another, and believing that we should one day be married, he was

anxious to have me for his future owner.