Man and Maid - Page 156/185

"Please come here," I asked in an indifferent cold voice. "You know it

is so difficult for me to move."

She came back and sat down upon the sofa again. The light of the apricot

lamp fell softly on her hair.

"Now tell me about what you were wondering."

Her mouth grew stubborn and she did not speak.

"It is so unlike you to do these very female things, beginning sentences

and not going on. I never saw anyone so changed; once I looked upon you

as the model for all that was balanced, and unlike your sex. It was I

who used to feel nervous and ineffectual, now, ever since we have been

engaged, you seem to be disturbed, and to have lost your serenity. Don't

you think as it is the first evening that we are alone together that it

would be a wise thing to try and get at each other's point of view? Tell

me the truth Alathea, what has caused the alteration in you?"

Now she looked straight at me, and there was defiance in her expressive

eyes.

"That is just what I was wondering about. It is true, I seem to have

lost my serenity, I am self-conscious--I am conscious of you."

A delicious sensation of joy flowed through me, and the feeling of

triumph began which is with me still. If she is conscious of me--!

"Do you mind if I smoke?" I asked with complete casualness to hide my

emotions. She shook her head, and I lit a cigarette.

"You were uneasy because you did not trust me, you thought underneath

there might be some trap, and that I would seize you once you belonged

to me. There was a moment when I might have felt inclined to do so,

though I would never have broken my word, but you have cured me of all

that, and there is nothing to prevent our being quite good

acquaintances,--even if your prejudice does not ever allow you to be

friends."

For a second a blank look came into her expression. I was banking on my

knowledge of the psychology of a human mind, the predatory instinct must

inevitably be aroused in her by my attitude of indifference, if I can

only act well enough and keep it up! I should certainly win in a fairly

short space of time. But she is so attractive, I do not yet know if I

shall have the strength of mind to do so.

"Are you not going to give me some regular work to do each day?" she

asked with a tone of mock respect in her voice. "None of the letters

have been answered lately, or the bills paid."