Marriage is the most turbulent state I could have imagined! Whether or
not Alathea and I will ever get the tangle straightened out I am not
certain. Now as I write--Saturday afternoon, the ninth of November,
1918--it looks as if we were parted forever, and I am so irritated and
angry that as yet I feel no grief.
The quarrel all arose from my fault, I suppose. When Alathea came into
the sitting-room at about ten o'clock she had blue circles round her
eyes, and knowing what caused them I determined to ask her about them
and disturb her as much as possible! This was mean of me.
"You poor child! You look as if you had been crying all night. I do hope
nothing is troubling you?"
Her cheeks flushed.
"Nothing, thank you."
"Your room cannot be properly aired then, or something. I have never
seen you looking so wretchedly. I do wish you would be frank with me.
Something must have worried you. People don't look like that for
nothing."
She clasped her hands together.
"I hate this talk about me. What does it matter how I look, or am, so
long as I do the things I am engaged for?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I suppose it ought not to, but one has a
feeling that one hates anyone under one's roof to be unhappy."
"I am not unhappy. I mean not more unhappy than I have always had to
be."
"But the causes which made you sad before have been removed surely, only
things which are occurring now from day to day between you and me, can
bring fresh trouble. Is it something I have done?"
Silence.
"Alathea, if you knew how you exasperate me by your silences! I was
always taught that it was very rude not to answer when one was spoken
to."
"It depends upon who speaks, and what about, and whether they have a
right to an answer."
"Then the inference is that I have no right to an answer, when you are
silent?"
"Probably."
I grew irritated.
"Well, I think I have a right, I ask you a plain question--have I done
anything which has caused you distress--distress which is so evident
that you must have been crying!"
She threw up her arms.
"Why on earth cannot you keep to business, it is quite unfair. If I were
really your secretary and nothing more you would never persecute me for
answers like this!"
"Yes I would. I have a perfect right to know why anyone in my service is
unhappy. Your fencing tells me that it is something which I have done
which has hurt you, and I insist upon knowing what it is."