I read all the mornings, seated in the sun--I read Plato--I want to
furbish up my Greek--For no reason on earth except that it is difficult,
and perhaps if I start doing difficult things I may get more will.
* * * * *
Suzette arrived in an entirely new set of garments--the "geste" had
altered, she said, one had to have a different look, and she was sure
the autumn fashions would be even more pronounced.
"As you can readily understand, my friend, one cannot be démodé, dans
le metier,--especially in war time!--"
Naturally I agreed with her--.
"The only unfortunate part is that it obliged me to break into the sum
for Georgine's education."
"That is at least reparable"--I answered, and reached for my
cheque-book--Suzette is such a good little sort--and clothes give her
pleasure--and fancy being able to give real pleasure for a few
thousand francs--pleasure, not comfort, or charity, or any respectable
thing, but just pleasure! The only worry about this cheque was that
Suzette was a little too affectionate after it!--I would nearly always
rather only talk to her--now.
She accompanied my bath chair on to the terrace. Her ridiculous little
outline and high heels contradicting all ideas of balance, and yet
presenting an indescribable elegance. She prattled gaily--then when no
one was looking she slipped her hand into mine.
"Mon cher! Mon petit chou!" she said.
We had the gayest dinner in my sitting-room--.
"The war was certainly nearing its close--Toinette, the friend of one of
the Generals, assured her--people were thoroughly bored, and it was an
excellent thing to finish it--."
"But even when peace comes, never again the restaurants open all night
to dance, Nicholas!--there is a sadness, my friend!"
That was one of the really bad aspects of wars--the way they upset
people's habits--, she told me. Even "dans le metier" things became of
an uncertainty! '--One was never sure if the amant would not be
killed--and it might be difficult to replace him advantageously!'
"It is perhaps fortunate for you that I am wounded and an institution,
Suzette!"
"Thou--Nicholas!--Just as if I did not understand--I represent nothing
but an agreeable passing of some moments to thee--Thou art not an
Amant!--Not even a little pretense of loving me thou showest!"-
"But you said you never allowed yourself to care--perhaps I have the
same idea--"
She shook with laughter.
"An artist at love thou, Nicholas--but no lover!"
"It is a nice distinction--would you like me better if I were a lover?"