"No, I can't imagine the bliss of that, Nina--."
She looked at me suddenly--.
"Well, why don't you marry then, dear boy?"
"I would, if I thought I could secure bliss--but you forget, it would be
from pity and not love that a woman would be kind to me."
"I am--not quite sure of that, Nicholas"--and she looked at me
searchingly--"You are changed since last time--you are not so bitter and
sardonic--and you, always have that--oh! you know what Elinor Glyn
writes of in her books--that "it."--Some kind of attraction that has no
name--but I am sure has a lot to do with love--."
"So you think I have got 'it,' Nina?"
"Yes, your clothes fit so well--and you say rather whimsical
things--Yes, decidedly, Nicholas, now that you are not so bitter--I am
sure--."
"What a pity you did not find that out before you took Jim, Nina!"
"Oh! Jim! that is different--You have much more brain than Jim, and
would not have been nearly so easy to live with!"
"Is it going well, Nina?"
"Yes--perfectly--that is why I came to Paris alone--I knew it would be
good for him--besides I wanted a rest, Nicholas."
"I thought you had married for a rest!"
"Well, if a man 'in love' is what you really want,--and not his just
'loving' you--you have to use your wits; it can't be a rest, not if he
has made you care too.--When I was just tossing up between Jim and
Rochester, then I had not to bother about how I behaved to them. You see
I was the, as yet, unattained desired thing--but having accepted one of
them, he has time to think of things, not having to fight to get me, and
so I have to keep him thinking of things which have still speculation in
them--don't you see?"
"You have to keep the hunting instinct alive, in fact."
"Yes--"
"You don't think it would be possible to find someone who was just one's
mate so that no game of any sort would be necessary?"
She thought hard for a moment.
"That, of course, would be heaven--" then she sighed--"I am afraid it is
no use in hoping for that, Nicholas!"
"Someone who would understand so well that silence was eloquent--someone
who would read books with one, and think thoughts with one. Someone who
would lie in one's arms and respond to caresses--and not be counting the
dollars--or--doing her knitting--. Someone who was tender and kind and
true--Oh! Nina!"