Sanine - Page 220/233

Next morning Yourii rose late, feeling indisposed. His head ached, and

he had a bad taste in his mouth. At first he could only recollect

shouts, jingling glasses, and the waning light of lamps at dawn. Then

he remembered how, stumbling and grunting, Schafroff and Peter Ilitsch

had retired, while he and Ivanoff--the latter pale with drink, but firm

on his feet--stood talking on the balcony. They had no eyes for the

radiant morning sky, pale green at the horizon, and changing over head

to blue; they did not see the fair meadows and fields, nor the shining

river that lay below.

They still went on arguing. Ivanoff triumphantly proved to Yourii that

people of his sort were worthless, since they feared to take from life

that which life offered them. They were far better dead and forgotten.

It was with malicious pleasure that he quoted Peter Ilitsch's remark,

"I should certainly never call such persons men," as he laughed wildly,

imagining that he had demolished Yourii by such a phrase. Yet, strange

to say, Yourii was not annoyed by it, dealing only with Ivanoff's

assertion that his life was a miserable one. That, he said, was because

"people of his sort" were more sensitive, more highly-strung; and he

agreed that they were far better out of the world. Then, becoming

intensely depressed, he almost wept. He now recollected with shame how

he had been on the point of telling Ivanoff of his love-episode with

Sina, and had almost flung the honour of that pure, lovely girl at the

feet of this truculent sot. When at last Ivanoff, growling, had gone

out into the courtyard, the room to Yourii seemed horribly dreary and

deserted.

There was a mist over everything; only the dirty table-cloth, with its

green radish-stalks, empty beer-glasses and cigarette-ends danced

before his eyes, as he sat there, huddled-up and forlorn.

Afterwards, he remembered, Ivanoff came back, and with him was Sanine.

The latter seemed gay, talkative and perfectly sober. He looked at

Yourii in a strange manner, half-friendly and half-derisive. Then his

thoughts turned to the scene in the wood with Sina. "It would have been

base of me if I had taken advantage of her weakness," he said to

himself. "Yet what shall I do now? Possess her, and then cast her off?

No, I could never do that; I'm too kind-hearted. Well, what then? Marry

her?"

Marriage! To Yourii the very word sounded appallingly commonplace. How

could anyone of his complex temperament endure the idea of a philistine

ménage? It was impossible. "And yet I love her," he thought. "Why

should I put her from me, and go? Why should I destroy my own

happiness? It's monstrous! It's absurd!"