The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders - Page 42/256

Modesty forbids me to reveal the secrets of the marriage-bed, but

nothing could have happened more suitable to my circumstances than

that, as above, my husband was so fuddled when he came to bed, that he

could not remember in the morning whether he had had any conversation

with me or no, and I was obliged to tell him he had, though in reality

he had not, that I might be sure he could make to inquiry about

anything else.

It concerns the story in hand very little to enter into the further

particulars of the family, or of myself, for the five years that I

lived with this husband, only to observe that I had two children by

him, and that at the end of five years he died. He had been really a

very good husband to me, and we lived very agreeably together; but as

he had not received much from them, and had in the little time he lived

acquired no great matters, so my circumstances were not great, nor was

I much mended by the match. Indeed, I had preserved the elder

brother's bonds to me, to pay #500, which he offered me for my consent

to marry his brother; and this, with what I had saved of the money he

formerly gave me, about as much more by my husband, left me a widow

with about #1200 in my pocket.

My two children were, indeed, taken happily off my hands by my

husband's father and mother, and that, by the way, was all they got by

Mrs. Betty.

I confess I was not suitably affected with the loss of my husband, nor

indeed can I say that I ever loved him as I ought to have done, or as

was proportionable to the good usage I had from him, for he was a

tender, kind, good-humoured man as any woman could desire; but his

brother being so always in my sight, at least while we were in the

country, was a continual snare to me, and I never was in bed with my

husband but I wished myself in the arms of his brother; and though his

brother never offered me the least kindness that way after our

marriage, but carried it just as a brother out to do, yet it was

impossible for me to do so to him; in short, I committed adultery and

incest with him every day in my desires, which, without doubt, was as

effectually criminal in the nature of the guilt as if I had actually

done it.

Before my husband died his elder brother was married, and we, being

then removed to London, were written to by the old lady to come and be

at the wedding. My husband went, but I pretended indisposition, and

that I could not possibly travel, so I stayed behind; for, in short, I

could not bear the sight of his being given to another woman, though I

knew I was never to have him myself.