Modesty forbids me to reveal the secrets of the marriage-bed, but
nothing could have happened more suitable to my circumstances than
that, as above, my husband was so fuddled when he came to bed, that he
could not remember in the morning whether he had had any conversation
with me or no, and I was obliged to tell him he had, though in reality
he had not, that I might be sure he could make to inquiry about
anything else.
It concerns the story in hand very little to enter into the further
particulars of the family, or of myself, for the five years that I
lived with this husband, only to observe that I had two children by
him, and that at the end of five years he died. He had been really a
very good husband to me, and we lived very agreeably together; but as
he had not received much from them, and had in the little time he lived
acquired no great matters, so my circumstances were not great, nor was
I much mended by the match. Indeed, I had preserved the elder
brother's bonds to me, to pay #500, which he offered me for my consent
to marry his brother; and this, with what I had saved of the money he
formerly gave me, about as much more by my husband, left me a widow
with about #1200 in my pocket.
My two children were, indeed, taken happily off my hands by my
husband's father and mother, and that, by the way, was all they got by
Mrs. Betty.
I confess I was not suitably affected with the loss of my husband, nor
indeed can I say that I ever loved him as I ought to have done, or as
was proportionable to the good usage I had from him, for he was a
tender, kind, good-humoured man as any woman could desire; but his
brother being so always in my sight, at least while we were in the
country, was a continual snare to me, and I never was in bed with my
husband but I wished myself in the arms of his brother; and though his
brother never offered me the least kindness that way after our
marriage, but carried it just as a brother out to do, yet it was
impossible for me to do so to him; in short, I committed adultery and
incest with him every day in my desires, which, without doubt, was as
effectually criminal in the nature of the guilt as if I had actually
done it.
Before my husband died his elder brother was married, and we, being
then removed to London, were written to by the old lady to come and be
at the wedding. My husband went, but I pretended indisposition, and
that I could not possibly travel, so I stayed behind; for, in short, I
could not bear the sight of his being given to another woman, though I
knew I was never to have him myself.