But I was secured in this point, for as I had no inclination to change,
so I had no manner of acquaintance in the whole house, and so no
temptation to look any farther. I kept no company but in the family
when I lodged, and with the clergyman's lady at next door; so that when
he was absent I visited nobody, nor did he ever find me out of my
chamber or parlour whenever he came down; if I went anywhere to take
the air, it was always with him.
The living in this manner with him, and his with me, was certainly the
most undesigned thing in the world; he often protested to me, that when
he became first acquainted with me, and even to the very night when we
first broke in upon our rules, he never had the least design of lying
with me; that he always had a sincere affection for me, but not the
least real inclination to do what he had done. I assured him I never
suspected him; that if I had I should not so easily have yielded to the
freedom which brought it on, but that it was all a surprise, and was
owing to the accident of our having yielded too far to our mutual
inclinations that night; and indeed I have often observed since, and
leave it as a caution to the readers of this story, that we ought to be
cautious of gratifying our inclinations in loose and lewd freedoms,
lest we find our resolutions of virtue fail us in the junction when
their assistance should be most necessary.
It is true, and I have confessed it before, that from the first hour I
began to converse with him, I resolved to let him lie with me, if he
offered it; but it was because I wanted his help and assistance, and I
knew no other way of securing him than that. But when were that night
together, and, as I have said, had gone such a length, I found my
weakness; the inclination was not to be resisted, but I was obliged to
yield up all even before he asked it.
However, he was so just to me that he never upbraided me with that; nor
did he ever express the least dislike of my conduct on any other
occasion, but always protested he was as much delighted with my company
as he was the first hour we came together: I mean, came together as
bedfellows.
It is true that he had no wife, that is to say, she was as no wife to
him, and so I was in no danger that way, but the just reflections of
conscience oftentimes snatch a man, especially a man of sense, from the
arms of a mistress, as it did him at last, though on another occasion.