This was heavy news for me, and I began now to see an end of my
prosperity, and to see also that it was very well I had played to good
housewife, and secured or saved something while he was alive, for that
now I had no view of my own living before me.
It lay very heavy upon my mind, too, that I had a son, a fine lovely
boy, about five years old, and no provision made for it, at least that
I knew of. With these considerations, and a sad heart, I went home
that evening, and began to cast with myself how I should live, and in
what manner to bestow myself, for the residue of my life.
You may be sure I could not rest without inquiring again very quickly
what was become of him; and not venturing to go myself, I sent several
sham messengers, till after a fortnight's waiting longer, I found that
there was hopes of his life, though he was still very ill; then I
abated my sending any more to the house, and in some time after I
learned in the neighbourhood that he was about house, and then that he
was abroad again.
I made no doubt then but that I should soon hear of him, and began to
comfort myself with my circumstances being, as I thought, recovered. I
waited a week, and two weeks, and with much surprise and amazement I
waited near two months and heard nothing, but that, being recovered, he
was gone into the country for the air, and for the better recovery
after his distemper. After this it was yet two months more, and then I
understood he was come to his city house again, but still I heard
nothing from him.
I had written several letters for him, and directed them as usual, and
found two or three of them had been called for, but not the rest. I
wrote again in a more pressing manner than ever, and in one of them let
him know, that I must be forced to wait on him myself, representing my
circumstances, the rent of lodgings to pay, and the provision for the
child wanting, and my own deplorable condition, destitute of
subsistence for his most solemn engagement to take care of and provide
for me. I took a copy of this letter, and finding it lay at the house
near a month and was not called for, I found means to have the copy of
it put into his own hands at a coffee-house, where I had by inquiry
found he used to go.