Vanity Fair - Page 531/573

Such polite behaviour as that of Lord Tapeworm did not fail to have the

most favourable effect upon Mr. Sedley's mind, and the very next

morning, at breakfast, he pronounced his opinion that Pumpernickel was

the pleasantest little place of any which he had visited on their tour.

Jos's motives and artifices were not very difficult of comprehension,

and Dobbin laughed in his sleeve, like a hypocrite as he was, when he

found, by the knowing air of the civilian and the offhand manner in

which the latter talked about Tapeworm Castle and the other members of

the family, that Jos had been up already in the morning, consulting his

travelling Peerage. Yes, he had seen the Right Honourable the Earl of

Bagwig, his lordship's father; he was sure he had, he had met him

at--at the Levee--didn't Dob remember? and when the Diplomatist called

on the party, faithful to his promise, Jos received him with such a

salute and honours as were seldom accorded to the little Envoy. He

winked at Kirsch on his Excellency's arrival, and that emissary,

instructed before-hand, went out and superintended an entertainment of

cold meats, jellies, and other delicacies, brought in upon trays, and

of which Mr. Jos absolutely insisted that his noble guest should

partake.

Tapeworm, so long as he could have an opportunity of admiring the

bright eyes of Mrs. Osborne (whose freshness of complexion bore

daylight remarkably well) was not ill pleased to accept any invitation

to stay in Mr. Sedley's lodgings; he put one or two dexterous questions

to him about India and the dancing-girls there; asked Amelia about that

beautiful boy who had been with her; and complimented the astonished

little woman upon the prodigious sensation which she had made in the

house; and tried to fascinate Dobbin by talking of the late war and the

exploits of the Pumpernickel contingent under the command of the

Hereditary Prince, now Duke of Pumpernickel.

Lord Tapeworm inherited no little portion of the family gallantry, and

it was his happy belief that almost every woman upon whom he himself

cast friendly eyes was in love with him. He left Emmy under the

persuasion that she was slain by his wit and attractions and went home

to his lodgings to write a pretty little note to her. She was not

fascinated, only puzzled, by his grinning, his simpering, his scented

cambric handkerchief, and his high-heeled lacquered boots. She did not

understand one-half the compliments which he paid; she had never, in

her small experience of mankind, met a professional ladies' man as yet,

and looked upon my lord as something curious rather than pleasant; and

if she did not admire, certainly wondered at him. Jos, on the

contrary, was delighted. "How very affable his Lordship is," he said;

"How very kind of his Lordship to say he would send his medical man!

Kirsch, you will carry our cards to the Count de Schlusselback

directly; the Major and I will have the greatest pleasure in paying our

respects at Court as soon as possible. Put out my uniform,

Kirsch--both our uniforms. It is a mark of politeness which every

English gentleman ought to show to the countries which he visits to pay

his respects to the sovereigns of those countries as to the

representatives of his own."