They walked later on Sundays, when it was quite dark. Some of the
dairy-people, who were also out of doors on the first Sunday evening
after their engagement, heard her impulsive speeches, ecstasized to
fragments, though they were too far off to hear the words discoursed;
noted the spasmodic catch in her remarks, broken into syllables by
the leapings of her heart, as she walked leaning on his arm; her
contented pauses, the occasional little laugh upon which her soul
seemed to ride--the laugh of a woman in company with the man she
loves and has won from all other women--unlike anything else in
nature. They marked the buoyancy of her tread, like the skim of a
bird which has not quite alighted.
Her affection for him was now the breath and life of Tess's being;
it enveloped her as a photosphere, irradiated her into forgetfulness
of her past sorrows, keeping back the gloomy spectres that would
persist in their attempts to touch her--doubt, fear, moodiness, care,
shame. She knew that they were waiting like wolves just outside the
circumscribing light, but she had long spells of power to keep them
in hungry subjection there. A spiritual forgetfulness co-existed with an intellectual
remembrance. She walked in brightness, but she knew that in the
background those shapes of darkness were always spread. They might
be receding, or they might be approaching, one or the other, a little
every day. One evening Tess and Clare were obliged to sit indoors keeping house,
all the other occupants of the domicile being away. As they talked
she looked thoughtfully up at him, and met his two appreciative eyes.
"I am not worthy of you--no, I am not!" she burst out, jumping up
from her low stool as though appalled at his homage, and the fulness
of her own joy thereat. Clare, deeming the whole basis of her excitement to be that which was
only the smaller part of it, said-"I won't have you speak like it, dear Tess! Distinction does not
consist in the facile use of a contemptible set of conventions, but
in being numbered among those who are true, and honest, and just, and
pure, and lovely, and of good report--as you are, my Tess."
She struggled with the sob in her throat. How often had that string
of excellences made her young heart ache in church of late years, and
how strange that he should have cited them now.
"Why didn't you stay and love me when I--was sixteen; living with my
little sisters and brothers, and you danced on the green? O, why
didn't you, why didn't you!" she said, impetuously clasping her
hands. Angel began to comfort and reassure her, thinking to himself, truly
enough, what a creature of moods she was, and how careful he would
have to be of her when she depended for her happiness entirely on
him. "Ah--why didn't I stay!" he said. "That is just what I feel. If I
had only known! But you must not be so bitter in your regret--why
should you be?" With the woman's instinct to hide she diverged hastily-