I have not been idle; but had writ from time to time, how he, by sly
mean degrees, exposed his wicked views; but somebody stole my letter,
and I know not what has become of it. It was a very long one. I fear, he
that was mean enough to do bad things, in one respect, did not stick at
this. But be it as it will, all the use he can make of it will be, that
he may be ashamed of his part; I not of mine: for he will see I was
resolved to be virtuous, and gloried in the honesty of my poor parents.
I will tell you all, the next opportunity; for I am watched very
narrowly; and he says to Mrs. Jervis, This girl is always scribbling;
I think she may be better employed. And yet I work all hours with
my needle, upon his linen, and the fine linen of the family; and am,
besides, about flowering him a waistcoat.--But, oh! my heart's broke
almost; for what am I likely to have for my reward, but shame and
disgrace, or else ill words, and hard treatment! I'll tell you all soon,
and hope I shall find my long letter.
Your most afflicted DAUGHTER.
May-be, I he and him too much: but it is his own fault if I do. For why
did he lose all his dignity with me?
LETTER XI
DEAR MOTHER,
Well, I can't find my letter, and so I'll try to recollect it all, and
be as brief as I can. All went well enough in the main for some time
after my letter but one. At last, I saw some reason to suspect; for he
would look upon me, whenever he saw me, in such a manner, as shewed not
well; and one day he came to me, as I was in the summer-house in the
little garden, at work with my needle, and Mrs. Jervis was just gone
from me; and I would have gone out, but he said, No don't go, Pamela;
I have something to say to you; and you always fly me when I come near
you, as if you were afraid of me.
I was much out of countenance, you may well think; but said, at last, It
does not become your good servant to stay in your presence, sir, without
your business required it; and I hope I shall always know my place.
Well, says he, my business does require it sometimes; and I have a mind
you should stay to hear what I have to say to you.
I stood still confounded, and began to tremble, and the more when he
took me by the hand; for now no soul was near us.